Love Life: Our Relationship Is An Experiment

November 4, 2021

Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.

Kachi*, 31, and Sarimah*, 24, have been friends with benefits for seven months. Today on Love Life, they talk about having casual sex while living together, dating other people and what they want from a relationship in the future. 

love life: friends with benefits

How did you two meet? 

Sarimah: I met him on Twitter in December 2019. You know how you just flirt randomly with people on the internet. A lot of times you don’t think you’re actually going to fuck them. I was in Abuja and he was in Lagos so we were just flirting with no plans to see each other. 

We kept texting on and off on Twitter. I would send him messages randomly. Talk about what’s going on in my life. He would do the same. 

Kachi: Yup. Then after a while, our texts became sexts.  

Who sent the first sext?

Sarimah: I don’t remember how that happened because it was so easy to talk to him. We exchanged nudes and videos. You know, just random risky, sexy things. 

Kachi: That continued for a couple of months until we met in May 2021. She moved to Lagos in April and we planned to hang out. 

What was meeting each other like? 

Sarimah: There was a lot of traffic so I took a bike to his estate. I called him when I got to the gate. I was still on the phone with him trying to locate his house when I saw someone that looked like him but this person was bald. I said, “Bald?” and he said, “oh, that’s my brother.” That’s how I found his house. 

Kachi: Meeting her was fun. We laughed a lot.

Sarimah: We started making out while we were gisting and then we had sex. We both liked it so after that day, we kept seeing each other. I would go to his house, spend the week and be back home by weekend. 

We are friends with benefits. We sleep with each other often but we also sleep with other people. 

Kachi: We use protection with other people so we can keep each other safe. 

What has the relationship been like so far?

Kachi: It’s been great, to be honest. We’ve been trying a lot of things together. 

Things like?

Kachi: Currently, we are exploring different ways of pleasure that don’t involve ejaculating. 

Sarimah: Because we are both afraid of having kids. 

Kachi: LOL. Plus she’s bisexual. I am straight but I am open to exploring anything within the confines of my sexuality. We’ve had threesomes with other women and they were nice. 

And nobody has caught feelings?

Kachi: LOL. That happened recently. We had been seeing other people since we started having sex and Sarimah was fine with it. Recently, I went out on a date and she realised she wasn’t as okay as she thought she was. 

What happened, Sarimah?

Sarimah: Last week, he went out on a date. He picked out his clothes days before. When I saw it, in my mind, I was like, “When it’s not a traditional wedding.” I was curious about why this date was so special. 

It was funny because I went on a date with a girl some days before his date and I was really excited about it. I am embarrassed to say that I was threatened by his date and I realised that if anything happened to jeopardise the relationship we have, I would be sad. 

Did you tell him this?

Kachi: She did and I wasn’t surprised. I am used to it. It’s natural because we have been with each other for a while now and we like each other. Jealousy is definitely going to pop in. I protect myself by not having any information about her sexcapades, except if it’s with a woman. She didn’t mind the details of my sex life but that date showed otherwise. 

How did you deal with it? 

Sarimah: Initially I didn’t want to talk to him about it but eventually I did. We decided I would come up with a hack of my own. He also said that his date and he were going to be just friends and I felt relieved, LMAO. 

Kachi: Honestly, Sarimah tried for lasting this long without acting out. In previous relationships with women that looked like this, within weeks, we would have issues about the other women I was seeing. Sarimah lasted seven months. Thumbs up, babe. 

Sarimah: LOL

Do you two fight?

Sarimah: Yeah, but it’s never too bad and always about petty stuff. 

Kachi: One time, we were having sex. She had orgasms and went to sleep without helping me get mine. I told her this was the first strike and if she does a third time, I’m done. She didn’t like that and she got angry with me. We argued about it for a bit. I apologised and left the room. Later, she figured out that she was taking it out of proportion. 

Sarimah: Yea, aside from that, we don’t fight. We just argue a bit about an issue and move on. It’s also not about who’s right and who’s wrong. We both want to understand where the other person is coming from. 

The difference between us is that he is nonconfrontational while I, on the other hand, would talk about whatever upsets me as soon as it happens. That’s something that he’s planning to work on though. 

Kachi: This relationship is an experiment for both of us. I’ve never lived with anyone I was having a thing with and I realize this is the sort of the thing I would like when I get married. I mean, we would have separate rooms but having sex with other people while married would be my ideal life. 

Sarimah: Me too. 

love life: friends with benefits

Nice. What’s the best part of this relationship?

Sarimah: I like that we are nice and sweet to each other. The relationship feels warm to me. Honestly, I’m having a good time. Being with him doesn’t stop me from living my life. I also like when we do things together. I am thinking of what I would choose over this and nothing is coming to mind. 

Kachi: I like how easy everything is with her. 

Hmm. Is it possible that Sarimah could be the one in this future?

Sarimah: Me, I’ve offered to propose to him and he said I should bring a ring. So, who knows. 

Kachi: Yeah and I need to be ready for it. LOL. 

What is your favourite thing about each other?

Kachi: I like how introspective she is. Whenever she has issues, she looks inward first. Another thing I like about her is that she likes to touch people. It’s not something I was used to but I have grown to like it. She’s also a spoilt child and I like to yab her. Overall, she’s a fine babe with really nice lips. 

Sarimah: He’s so pretty and I like pretty boys. He is also kind. He gives me warmth that allows me to be myself. Plus I like having sex with him. 

Rate this relationship on a scale of 1-10.  

Sarimah: 10. I like that we both want the same thing out of the relationship and in the future.

Kachi: 10. I don’t feel any pressure to impress or pretend to be the perfect boyfriend. This is just cohabitation.

Sarimah: Yup. 

Check back every Thursday by 9 AM for new Love Life stories here. The stories will also be a part of the Ships newsletter, so sign up here.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill this form.

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

June 11, 2022

The subject of this week’s Sex Life is a 27-year-old lesbian who describes herself as a pleaser. She talks about discovering her sexuality, sleeping with many women to make up for what she’s missed, and learning she has better sex when she’s not being touched.

July 17, 2021

The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 28-year-old heterosexual woman. She talks about how her first sexual relationship ended in shame because her partner spread gossip about the sex and how her fear of being tagged promiscuous prevented her from having sex with the men in her social circle. What was your first sexual experience? […]


Now on Zikoko

November 27, 2022

My Bro is a biweekly Zikoko series that interrogates and celebrates male friendships of different forms. Adnan and Michael didn’t like themselves when they met at a job orientation four years ago — one was very serious, while the other just couldn’t be bothered about anything. Despite their differences, the two have become best friends, […]

November 27, 2022

It seems like Nigerians aren’t the only ones concerned about the 2023 elections, even our colonisers have taken some interest as well. Considering that our immigration rate to the United Kingdom has increased to 64% in one year, it’s not exactly surprising. The British High Commissioner to Nigeria, Catriona Laing, has warned all political parties […]

Recommended Quizzes

November 25, 2019

We already guessed how many people you’ve slept with, and y’all were out here denying the truth. Anyway, we won’t hold that against you. This time, however, we’ve created a quiz that predicts who you’ll sleep with next — so you can either prepare or try (unsuccessfully) to prevent it. So, take and see:

April 1, 2020

Everyone has a Nigerian bank that matches their personality. You could either be as likeable as GTB, as efficient as Access or as mature as First Bank. Either way, all you have to do is take this quiz and we’ll let you know with almost 100% certainty. So, go ahead:

November 11, 2019

Everyone has something to say about what kind of person they are. But how well do we truthfully evaluate these things? Not that much, I can assure you. The average person is always lying to themselves to make sure they look good. But you know what and who doesn’t lie? Zikoko quizzes that’s what. Take […]

April 9, 2020

At some point in life, we all learnt that someone can be very intelligent and still lack common sense. That’s the difference between being book smart and being street smart. If you’re not sure where on the spectrum you fall, well, that’s what this quiz is here to tell you. Take it:

November 19, 2019

Regardless of what society has tried to tell us, enjoying sex is not something to be ashamed of. So, in a bid to celebrate our generation’s sexual agency, we’ve created a quiz that will accurately (again, keep your complaints to yourself) infer how many people you’ve spelt with. Try it out: 11 Quizzes For The […]

More from Ships

November 22, 2022

Among the things Douglas* wished for on his 24th birthday, finding love was not one of them. When he met Susie* in 2021, everything seemed right, even though she’s an unemployed student. But she agreed to date him if he promised not to treat her as his dependant.

November 17, 2022

The subjects of this week’s love life, Isoken* (19) and Dami* (21), met at a tutorial centre in 2020. They talk about why she turned him down the first three times he asked her out, lying to her parents about their relationship and dealing with their religious differences. 


Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

September 13, 2022
Vs The World is a Zikoko original video series that follows best friends Astor and Hassan as they take on the world.
August 23, 2022
Zikoko Ships is a Zikoko Original series where we invite two people who share a relationship to play the Zikoko card games
December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.