Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
Olufunmi, 35, and Elizabeth, 29, have been in serious relationships that led to intense heartbreaks. And then a mutual friend decided to matchmake them. Today on Love Life, they discuss getting married less than 6 months after they met.
What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Olufunmi: It was a phone call. My older brother’s wife was the one who did the matchmaking. She said she had a friend she would like me to meet and gave me Elizabeth’s contact number.
Elizabeth: His older brother’s wife was my childhood friend. After she gave Olufunmi my number, he called me a few times and tried to initiate a conversation, but I wasn’t matching his energy. He would leave messages for me, and I would reply the next day. I didn’t mean to be that way; I was working at an Indian company and the workload was a lot, so I barely had time to keep up conversations.
Olufunmi: After calling and texting her a few times and not getting the kind of response I wanted, I decided to give it one last shot, and if I got the same lack of energy, I would let things go. Fortunately, she responded that day, and we spoke for a pretty long time. That was what changed the trajectory of the whole relationship.
Elizabeth: He thought I was playing hard to get. Me that I was collapsing under the weight of work. Anyway, I explained my situation to him and he understood. It was easier to keep up conversations after that. We began to ask questions about each other, just basic things that friends would want to know.
So when did the physical meeting take place?
Olufunmi: We met a day after her birthday. This was one month after we began texting. It was during COVID, and all the fun places were closed, so she came over to my place. When I saw her, my first thought was, “Wow, I have seen beauty before but this is a discovery.”
Elizabeth: LMAO. The meeting was okay. I came all the way from Ibadan to Lagos, and when I saw him, I thought, “Ahan, so this man is this handsome.” I won’t even lie, when his photos were shared with me, the first thing that came to my mind was, “Hayy God, who is this old man?” But immediately I saw him, that changed to “Omo, this is the kind of man I want.”
LMAO. Does this mean you both had a spec?
Olufunmi: I wasn’t really interested in specs. All I wanted was someone divinely given to me by God to soothe me and make my life’s journey easier. And since I had already committed it to God in prayer, I decided to go with the flow. Her coming into my life was a perfect arrival of the perfect person, and I was grateful to God. She was dark, tall and shapely in all the right places.
Elizabeth: Knowing Olufunmi through my childhood friend made everything easier. But even then, I think my idea of who I wanted as my spec was loosely constructed.
Why did the matchmaking happen though?
Olufunmi: I am AS and finding a lady with an AA genotype was becoming difficult. The few women I met had their own issues: they were either AS, of a different belief system, unserious, or even unfaithful. One of them shattered my heart seriously.
She’s Yoruba, from Ondo state and a church worker, and things were smooth between us until I found out that she accepted someone’s proposal on Instagram. I didn’t see the post. It was her friend who did and asked me if we were good. I didn’t know what was happening, so I said we were good. Then the friend said she didn’t think so and forwarded the post to me. When I called my babe to ask for confirmation, her response was, “Ehn, yes, you have seen it and you have seen it na niyen. That’s it.” And she ended the call. That was the last thing we talked about till date. She never called to apologise or anything. After that happened, I just mellowed down completely. Apparently, this mellowing down was taking too long and my sister-in-law decided to step in by introducing her friend to me.
Elizabeth: I’ve had several relationships that ended in hot tears. The last one was the most painful. I had introduced the guy to my parents and was confident that it would lead to marriage. But my guy said I was taking things too fast and cut ties with me. After I got my balance back, I told myself I wanted no relationship, let me just be on my own. And then one day, my friend whom I had not spoken to in a long time texted me to ask if I was in a relationship. At first, I thought, “What kind of question is this this early in the morning?” But I told her I wasn’t, and she said okay, no problem. Later, she informed me that she had a brother-in-law who was not in a relationship but who was a good person and that she wanted to connect us. Because it was her, I said to give the person my number.
Omo. That’s a lot. I’m so sorry.
Olufunmi: Before Elizabeth and I had our first date, I asked for confirmation about her genotype. I think she went to do another test to confirm the AA and then sent the result. I also insisted that we would not meet physically until we got a go-ahead from God, so she should pray and be sure she really wanted this. What I didn’t tell her was that I had already prayed — even my mum too. I had also consulted my pastor and all the answers were good. When I knew her birthday was coming, I used it as the perfect opportunity to meet her and give her my answers. I asked what gift she wanted, and she said she just wanted my response. I told her it was positive; we were good to go.
Elizabeth: See ehn, my friend told me he was a spirikoko who was highly invested in prayers and “spiritual protocols”, so I knew I had to match up. While I was praying for the confirmation, I informed my mother and my reverend and pastors. They wanted to know what he looked like and where he worked. My pastor’s wife collected his social media handle and checked him on Facebook. Later, when we met for bible study, she said the check was done and he was black and shine but that did not mean the prayers would not continue. It was a complete prayer circle and the answers were positive all through. By the time my birthday was approaching and he asked what I wanted, I told him to just give me the answer from his end. Apparently, this man already had his answer; he just wanted to stress me.
Olufunmi: I had to be on guard, please. Before you come and crush my freshly-mended heart.
Elizabeth: LMAO go jor.
So what came next after the confirmation?
Elizabeth: The family meeting. He came to Ibadan to see my people and I also went to see his people.
Olufunmi: There was no time to waste since I already knew what I wanted and wasn’t dating for fun, but for a relationship that would end in marriage. Her people were friendly and welcoming, and that was it for me.
Was there a fancy proposal?
Olufunmi: Yes, but it was indoors, during one of those times she came visiting.
Elizabeth: I have always wanted a surprise proposal with my friends there and all of that. But this spirikoko person, he likes his things coded. His own proposal happened during one of my visits to his place. I went to get something in the kitchen and when I came back, I saw something shiny placed on top of my phone. It turned out to be the ring. Next thing, he knelt down and asked if I would marry him.
Olufunmi: I can assure you I wasn’t trying to be spiritual. There was COVID and all the cool spots were closed. If they were not, we probably would have gone to a nice restaurant, and I would have done it in the way everyone perceives to be the right way now. At that period, that was the best I could do. I didn’t want them to come and arrest us for flouting COVID rules.
How has married life been?
Olufunmi: It’s been good. I don’t have to do things or think about most things by myself anymore. There is someone to share my life with, and she is sweet, caring, fragile and very understanding. I am still learning how to love her and how to be a husband. And even now, after six months of marriage, I don’t think I have scratched the surface yet.
Elizabeth: Marriage has been sweet, and sweet is an understatement. He has been the best husband, and he makes sure I don’t lack anything. He’s supportive too, and when I tell him I am not feeling good, he cooks and does things to make life comfortable for me. He is also prayerful, caring and very gentle.
Olufunmi: For me, the best part of it all is having the rest of mind that I married a good woman. When I think about us, what I feel is immense contentment. With her, I feel like I have everything and want nothing more.
Aww. Have there been moments when things did not go smoothly?
Elizabeth: There’s been a few misunderstandings. For example, he might accuse me of something I did not do, like placing something in the wrong place. This can be annoying, but after getting angry for a short while, we settle and let it go.
Olufunmi: When she was in her first trimester, she wasn’t really audible. She would say something, and I’d ask her to speak up like 3 or 4 times before I would pick up whatever she was saying. I got frustrated one day and stopped asking her to speak up. Also, I wasn’t comfortable collecting things from non-family members and we had a misunderstanding about that too because she didn’t like the idea. Our relationship wasn’t up to six months before we got married, and these misunderstandings help us know each other better..
How do you resolve these misunderstandings?
Olufunmi: We sit down to talk until things are completely ironed out. No misunderstanding passes two hours. Communication just does it for us. I have heard couples say sex solves things for them, but I don’t think this is a practical solution for us. I mean, your hearts are far apart, so how does the sex come in? But if it works for them, well…
Elizabeth: Me I am the kind of person who likes to iron things out the moment I notice that things are wrong. Even if he is not ready to talk, I press until he gives in. We either talk this thing through or we are not going anywhere.
What is one thing you would love to change about each other?
Olufunmi: LMAO. I have noticed that she farts a lot. But I think it’s the pregnancy, so I understand. In fact, I have started accepting it. She also wasn’t audible in the early months of the pregnancy, but I have become used to that too. She is carrying a nation or two or even three inside her, and I cannot even afford to be angry at whatever she does. I have also read about how ladies can be during pregnancy, and I think she is doing well.
Elizabeth: He is fond of accusing me wrongly. Last Sunday, I carried his bad after service. I had found the bag scattered and I arranged it as I could. He is meticulous, so I knew he would come back to rearrange it the way he liked. But he came and accused me of scattering his bag without even asking me what happened. I got angry and told him to stop doing that. I keep telling him I don’t like when he does that, and he says he will change.
Olufunmi: Ahan, it’s not in my attitude nau. Even if I would judge or say something, I would ask questions. That day I thought she was the one because she was sitting next to my bag and no one else had permission to check my stuff. It turned out to be my older brother.
Elizabeth: Though I am yet to see it 100%, I believe he will change. Here’s one thing I never want him to stop though: being caring. I want him to continue being caring. I have heard of guys who transfer their love and affection to the children after they are born, and I hope that he will not be like that. Olufunmi is caring. He would get home and say, “Babe I got something for you. Check my bag.” He understands me, loves me in the way that makes me feel valued and appreciated.
How would you rate the relationship on a scale of 1-10?
Olufunmi: 8. I won’t say we are perfect because we can’t know ourselves completely. Maybe when we get to that point where I can read her mind and tell her exactly what she is going to say word for word like I do when I am watching a Nigerian movie, then I will give us a 10.
Elizabeth: For me, it’s 9. When we get to that point where we know each other completely, then it will be a 10.
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