Once upon a time, an insane Christian book that claimed the devil created football as a tool to destroy humanity trended on the internet. I did the dirty work of actually reading and recapping it. The article was so popular that I decided to make my recaps into a weekly series named “So You Don’t Have To“, where I find batshit crazy pieces of media (books, movies, etc) and recap them for your pleasure.
Today, I’ll be recapping the music video for Resonance’s “Judgement Day.”
Get a load of this album cover. Things were so simple back in the early 2000s.
Resonance was a Nigerian gospel music duo that consisted of a woman named Estar and a man named Gucheano. They sang in a mix of Igbo and English, bursting onto the music scene in 2006 and blowing minds around the country with their debut album, “Chinwe Ike.” The album was super popular and people would not shut up about it. People would go about loudly playing/singing the album’s singles “Lee Lee” and “Chinwe Ike,” which, regardless of how I’m describing it, is a good thing.
The duo eventually split to work on solo projects, but like many musical duos (e.g. P-Square), the things they worked on individually never achieved the popularity or critical claim of their first and only joint body of work. Resonance’s music was amazing but their music videos on the other hand were unintentionally hilarious, due to their low budgets and them being products of their time. So I’ve brought you all here today to make fun of them. Well, not all of them. Just one. The end-time anthem, “Judgement Day.”
The video starts with the hauntingly beautiful voice of a woman doing operatic runs while a rather harsh end-time message is shown onscreen:
Estar appears onscreen for the first time. She’s dressed in a nun’s habit and, in a weird cartoony cowboy accent, repeats the exact same message that was just displayed a few seconds ago.
When she finishes, the main song starts. Estar and her reverend sister backup dancers serve Sister’s Act 1 realness. with their choreography. It’s basic but adorable and I love it.
Gucheano (LMAO I can not take this name seriously) shows up dressed as a priest to rap the first verse. I feel horrible for admitting this but all these costumes made my mind go straight to porn parodies. Anyway, he starts rapping about how humans need to stop sinning because Jesus is coming soon and is going to be pissed as hell if he finds everyone stealing, killing, and fornicating. The lyrics are fine but his flow is giving early 2000s Eedris Abdulkareem (i.e. sounding hella cringe because he’s trying and failing to sound American).
While he’s rapping, Estar and her reverend sister backup dancers don’t have anything to do so they just sway in the background.
The second verse is where things take a turn a turn for the truly chaotic by going into church drama mode. Gucheano is chilling in his living room when he gets a phone call…
Satan is fabulously dressed in a black and red cloak, a 90s T-Boz wig, and enough eyeliner to put Boy George to shame. Even funnier than Satan’s outfit is what is happening behind him. The sight of him casually making a phone call while the souls of the damned writhe in pain behind him due to hellfire is the most hilarious thing I have ever seen.
Satan offers Gucheano a shit ton of money in exchange for his soul but Gucheano says:
This pisses Satan off so much that he appears in Gucheano’s living room and is like:
Satan conjures dollars out of thin to further tempt Gucheano, and when that doesn’t work, throws fame into the mix.
Gucheano reads Satan for filth and tells him to get out because his soul belongs to Master Jesus. Realising that this deal will never click, Satan rolls his eyes and is like:
Then he leaves.
Check back every Friday for more So You Don’t Have To insanity.
Click here to read other entries in the So You Don’t Have To series.