What Would Happen If Your Fave Musicians Became Governors?

July 30, 2019

Next to music and the price of fuel, governance (and to a larger extent, politics) is one of the other things I care about. Much of it is down to learning to read by staring at Nigerian dailies.

Like music, politics is about individuals. Both mediums require us to choose (or vote) if we enjoy or subscribe to what they represent. Their fans enjoy their content – either as music or as speeches and policy decisions. And in both cases, their trajectories are determined by how they wield their influence and tangible power.

It perhaps explains why most militant artists have a political tinge to their music or even go as far as running for office. Nigeria’s Fela Kuti is a great example. More recently, Uganda’s Bebe Cool announced that he would be running for president in 2021.

Typically, Nigerian singers would rather praise a woman’s shoes than comment on their reality. Interestingly, SDC’s “Clone Wars IV: These Buhari Times”, Falz’s “Moral Instruction” and Burna Boy’s “African Giant” – three of this year’s best albums – are, in one form or the other, political in tone. You could say 2019 has been an exception in that regard. So it should come as no surprise that we – meaning me – have decided to insert the unique personalities of Nigerian musicians into the large scope of Nigerian politics.

God safe us all if anything here was to happen in real life.

  • Burna Boy as Rivers State Governor:

A low-hanging fruit, I must admit, but the reasons are obvious. Burna Boy was a freedom fighter of sorts on his last album. Rivers State needs some serious government. The problem is, with Burna as governor, things in Rivers will get a lot more serious than everyone is prepared for. Burna will make known his anger at all the years of colonial rule and exploitation, so get ready to see hundreds of European and American expats walking to their embassies with all their possessions in Ghana-Must-Go bags, provided by the governor of course.

Burna will almost certainly lift stringent laws on membership of secret societies, (which he’s a fan of). All that hard work and the inevitable bad belle from other governors may get to him, so by the second year, Burna will probably announce his mum as Chief Of Staff. He’ll then become a recluse who shows up rarely, in his cloud of smoke while his mother does the day-to-day on his behalf. On the slightly brighter side, marijuana will most likely be legal in Rivers at this point. Take that however you will.

  • 2face as Benue State Governor

INAUGURATION SONG: “Only Me”

In many ways, 2face is Nigeria’s Benue in human form; he’s had Nigerian music’s creative sauce for the better part of two decades now. His persona also sits midway between traditional and modern, much as Benue sits in Nigeria’s middle belt, between the North and South. The only difference is that nobody thinks 2face is rural, violent and desolate. 2face’s primary duty as Benue State’s governor would be PR and we know just how he’ll achieve it.

We can’t wait for the new governor to dip into his conscious music bag and make an entire album about sustainable farming and nature’s beauty (essentially, pro-Benue propaganda with Larry Gaaga and nice beats). As someone who’s remained relevant while many of his peers fell off, 2face could be the one to get Benue’s defunct parastatals working again. One thing you can be sure of is that the statehouse will be treated like a relaxation centre. 2face would also be the most laidback elected official alive, only surpassed by the next person on this list.

  • Wizkid as Lagos State Governor:

INAUGURATION SONG: “Pakurumo”

If he ever becomes a governor, Wizkid would start by missing his own inauguration, due to visa and passport issues. When he eventually shows up, he’ll spend the first few months trying to decide who should be first lady. While he grapples with such important matters of state, Daddy Bolu will be reminded at some point that Lagos has real problems. His solution? Convert his Instagram account to the official LASG account. Then over the next few months, Wizkid’s team will tease snippets of a new album to distract us. By the time the album’s ready, Lagos will most likely be submerged. We must make sure this never happens.

  • Olamide as Ogun State Governor

INAUGURATION SONG: “Oil and Gas”

Olamide is a rapper so in touch with the streets that his best album is titled “Street OT”. In the last few years, Olamide has become a praise singer of sorts and overtly campaigned for former Lagos governor, Akinwumi Ambode in the 2015 elections. You could say he’s more in touch with partisan politics than many of his peers. If Olamide was to run for governor of Ogun state, his election would likely be near flawless. The first sign that all is not well will come soon after. The new Commissioner for Education, DJ Enimoney will announce that ‘Street OT” will replace Civic Education in the state’s school curriculum.

It’s almost inevitable that Ogun state will deal with the fall-out of Lagos’ endless population growth. To make sure he has the right people in his state, Olamide’s commissioner for urban development, Lil’ Kesh will launch a programme giving tax exemptions to all ‘Yahoo Boys, No Laptop’ and Science Students, as Olamide’s primary consituents. At least, Ogun State will be an APC stronghold, something the men at the top would be very pleased with.

  • Davido as Osun State Governor

INAUGURATION SONG: “Fia”

While he campaigned for his uncle, Senator Adeleke, Davido showed us glimpses of what he would look like as a governor. The last few weeks of the Adeleke campaign in Osun were dominated by Davido. The man turned his entire 30BG crew into an army of campaign staff, and held concerts at every rally till election day. As the most popular member of the Adeleke clan, many have tipped Davido to get into politics at some point. It wouldn’t be surprising; same as whatever he does as an elected official. First on Davido’s agenda would be to bring his rowdy energy to Osun, a state that sometimes feels like the geographical equivalent of a child on sleeping pills. The best way to do this would be to make it compulsory for all students to sing the whole of “FIA” immediately after the national anthem every morning. (If you’ve heard this song live, you’ll know this would work). Next step would be to improve foreign investment. By then, Davido would likely be bored so he’d probably hand over to his ‘main adviser’, Peruzzi to carry on.

  • Sani Danja as Katsina State Governor

INAUGURATION SONG: “Follow The Leader”

I just want him to make sure every resident of Katsina does the Tambola dance at least once a day, regardless of where they are. Going by his music videos and all those questionable Glo ads, I reckon he’d be glad to.

  • Falz as Ekiti State Governor

INAUGURATION SONG: “Talk”

It seems almost inevitable that Falz will get into governance as an elected or appointed official. For years now, Falz has been the most socially vocal Nigerian rapper around. It remains to be seen if this can translate into actual good politics, especially in Ekiti, the state he hails from. It’s almost certain that Falz will spend the first few months trying to decipher the complex Ekiti accent that almost everyone speaks with. He might have help on that front, but his biggest challenge will be to bring the state up to speed with the rest of the world. Seeing as most of the population is split between indigent civil servants and undergraduates, the Falz thing to do would be converting monthly addresses into skits.

In these skits, Brother Taju will remind the people of Ekiti that Sunday evening pounded yam is not all that matters in the world. In all fairness, Falz would make a great governor. But as Segun Fayemi, Segun Oni and Peter Fayose will have anyone know, Ekiti is a hard hill to climb in more ways than one. We expect Falz will cover some ground until he realises nothing has changed. So he will call Lagos and ask if someone can cook him up a catchy beat for a song shaming prostitutes. All is well with his world again.

Did you enjoy this? You should sign up for our weekly pop culture newsletter, Poppin’. You’ll get to know what we’re up to before anyone else + insider gist, reviews, freebies and more. If it sounds like your deal, sign up here.

You'll like this

Segun Akande

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

Watch

Now on Zikoko

September 24, 2020

An explosion has occurred in the Ajuwon, Iju-Ishaga area of Lagos today. The explosion happened around 3:30 pm on Thursday 24th September 2020, with many people stating that they do not know the cause of the explosion. Video footages of the explosion have been circulating on social media: An eyewitness told BBC Pidgin that a […]

September 24, 2020

Being a corps member has to be one of the most stressful phases in the life of a Nigerian youth. And you know what makes it all the more stressful? The money aspect. It is never enough. 1. The struggle of waiting for allowance every month. Especially when it’s already 20-something on the calendar and […]

September 24, 2020

Addiction, sometimes can be a three-headed hydra. Sever one head and two grow in its place. I’m writing this in the hopes that people who struggle with their addiction will read this and realise that they are not alone. I’m hoping the people whose responses thousands are going to read will realise how much impact […]

Recommended Quizzes

April 1, 2020

Everyone has a Nigerian bank that matches their personality. You could either be as likeable as GTB, as efficient as Access or as mature as First Bank. Either way, all you have to do is take this quiz and we’ll let you know with almost 100% certainty. So, go ahead:

December 3, 2019

Are you a professional Yoruba demon? Are you walking around in search of whose life you can wreck at any given time? Well, this quiz knows exactly how many hearts you’ve shattered to date, and before you lie that your result is inaccurate, just remember that Zikoko is never wrong. Now, take it and be […]

November 22, 2019

It can be very stressful when you’re trying to find the love of your life, but you only keep meeting people that are exactly like your yeye ex. To help you be more aware of that problem, we’ve created a quiz that lets you know the kind of people you are attracting. Take it to […]

December 11, 2019

In the past month, we’ve made quizzes that guessed the last time you had sex, how many people you’ve slept with, and just how good you are in bed. For our latest attempt, we will use your taste in Nigerian music from the 2010s to ascertain what you’re like in bed. Take to find out:

More from Pop

September 23, 2020

You’ll find a Nigerian song about everything; politics, food, drugs… everything. On today’s Ranked, I’m looking at Nigerian songs about butts. What’s your favourite Nigerian song about butts? 9. “Lalakukulala” – Oladips ft. Reminisce  You’ll probably forget this song is about butts by the time you begin to dance. Nice song. I can’t make much out […]

September 23, 2020

Yesterday, a video broke out on the internet about a guy who went into a BBNaija voting centre for Nengi fans to vote Laycon and got assaulted. Here’s the video: First thoughts: There are BBNaija voting centres? What happens in these centres if everyone just votes from their phones. Non BBNaija fans need more clarity […]

September 22, 2020

EbonyLife recently released the official trailer for their upcoming movie, Oloture, and we can’t wait to log into our Netflix account (or our friends’ Netflix account) and watch the thriller, which drops on October 2. The trailer, which depicts Sharon Ooja as a young and naive undercover investigative journalist, is a gripping introduction to the […]

September 21, 2020

With songs like “One Kain”, where she caught feelings for a friend, and “Angelina”, where she struggled to forgive a cheating lover, it’s already clear that Simi knows what she’s talking about when it comes to writing about relationship drama. Well, if you’ve ever been in a strictly physical relationship, with no room for emotional […]

September 20, 2020

Every season of Big Brother Naija the housemates are different but the fans remain the same but the fans polarize in 4 major annoying ways; 1. The celebrities chasing clout. You can tell they don’t watch the show but because they see that BBNaija commentary garners a lot 2. Trolls. The one’s that can only […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.
February 6, 2020
Who doesn't want to find love? In our bid to help, we paired up a bunch of single Nigerians, sending them on an all-expense paid date, and interviewing them before and after they met.
January 27, 2020
Nigerians Talk is what happened when a motley crew of young Nigerians were put in front of a camera and asked a bunch of apparently random questions about life, love, money and more.
September 24, 2019
A group of Zikoko staff go on a road trip to every mainland country in ECOWAS West Africa

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X