3 Old Nollywood Protagonists Who Deserved To Suffer


January 8, 2020

I spend an unhealthy amount of time thinking of how many protagonists in old Nollywood movies got away with doing despicable things just because they ran into the nearest church at the movie’s climax and screamed “Blood of Jesus!”.

I’ve thought about this so much that I’ve decided to call out these fictional characters and drag them for filth because I hate nonsense behaviour.

Let’s get into it:

1) Andy Okeke from Living In Bondage:

Andy, right before he makes the decision to sacrifice his wife at the altar of satan for a shit load of money.

Andy “Motherfucking” Okeke was a guy who had a good life. He had a good wife who worshipped him and no problems getting employment (judging by what his wife says about him quitting five jobs). But Andy wanted more. He had oju kokoro. He had insect eyes. He wanted to rub shoulders with his friends who had seemingly endless supplies of wealth. Long story short, he ended up using his wife, Merit, for money ritual. Things were great for him until Merit’s angry spirit began haunting the shit out of him and showed no signs of slowing down. When it seemed like Merit’s angry spirit was finally going to get the revenge she deserved, Andy ran to the nearest church and screamed for help. A half-assed deliverance session was done and all his sins were declared forgiven, which I can only assume left Merit’s angry spirit pissed AF because what the hell was she supposed to do with eternity now??

2) Dolly from Missing Angel

Dolly, cuddling with a dude who couldn’t possibly be (and act) less human.

I understand that constantly hustling and yielding nothing is super frustrating. But leave it to Dense Dolly, the protagonist of 2004’s Missing Angel to go and wish death upon herself if she hasn’t made it by her 25th birthday. Dolly’s life does turn around before her 25th birthday (she wins the lottery) but unfortunately for her, Satan takes her up on her stupid vow and decides on a no take-backsies. He sends his angel of death to collect her soul.

The angel of death shows up and, in an attempt to be covert for some reason, slowly infiltrates her life. However, Dolly meets the angel of death and proceeds to HAVE SEX WITH HIM, despite the angel being absolutely terrible at pretending to be a human. When she figures out who he is and why he’s there, she gathers her family and friends in a church to cast and bind. The only reason Dolly doesn’t get dragged to hell is that the angel, having caught feelings for her, decides to sacrifice himself in her place.

Now, imagine if the angel didn’t catch feelings and was determined to violently go through anyone standing between him and Dolly’s soul. All her friends and family would’ve died because of the bad luck she brought on herself.

3) Chidi from Diamond Ring

This idiot piece of shit privileged child had everything he could possibly want. His family was loaded AF and already established that they were willing to give him anything he wanted. Yet, this little nigga still joined a GRAVE-ROBBING CULT, leading to the angry spirit of the woman appearing in his living room and fucking shit up. His entire family had to go halfway across the world looking for the diamond ring he stole from her and sold. After that, she made them go retrieve her casket that someone else stole and sold. As if that wasn’t enough, she made them go about gathering her children who hated her (and each other) so she could talk to them one last time.

Meanwhile, all Chidi himself had was a fever.

Tueh!

Find Zikoko
wherever you are

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.