8 Songs We Really Had No Business Listening To As Kids In The 2000s

January 31, 2019

Maybe it’s because I’ve gotten to that age where every song sounds like diarrhoea (*cough* trap music), but I’ve found myself revisiting the bangers that rocked my late primary school/ secondary school years. (The 2000s).

 

This has been me this entire process:

Because while those songs will forever slap, a lot of them had very filthy (and sometimes downright problematic) lyrics.

 

Here’s a list of 8 examples:

1. Kelis – Milkshake

When asked what “Milkshake” meant in the context of the song, Kelis said that it’s “the thing that makes women special. It’s what gives us our confidence and what makes us exciting.” Well, I call bullshit because even though that explanation works, the title of the song was obviously meant as a euphemism for boobs.

 

Don’t @ me.

2. Tony Matterhorn – Dutty Wine

This #1 smash riddim track about the female African-Jamaican dance found its way into the playlists at KIDS PARTIES due to the fact that its dirty lyrics were mostly in Jamaican slang. Here are a few lines from the song’s second verse:

It honestly reads like he’s describing a particularly violent game of Twister. 

3. Nelly – Hot in Here

I wonder what my parents would’ve done if they knew I was at my primary school end of the year party dancing to a song that was clearly about a house party that turns into an orgy because of global warming.

4. Aqua – Barbie Girl

The Danish-Norwegian dance-pop group’s ode to the iconic doll, Barbie (and her partner, Ken) was riddled with so much sexual innuendo that the group was sued by Mattel, the makers of the Barbie doll, for violating their trademark and turning the children’s toy into a sex object. Take a look at the lyrics from the song’s first verse:

Wow.

5. Pussycat Dolls – Buttons

This song is about a woman’s desire to be undressed while her lover describes in graphic detail all the things he’s going to do to her body.

 

Enough said.

6. Destiny’s Child – Lose My Breath

This song starts with a woman’s voice that screams “HIT ME!” and then segues into a 3 minute and 33-second long shaming session where Beyonce, Kelly, and Michelle berate their lovers for not being able to keep up with them sexually.

 

None of this mattered though because we were too busy bumping and grinding to it when we were 10 years old.

7. Beyonce – Check On It

It’s funny how I used to think this song was about a girl looking pretty in pink and dancing with her friends (because of the video) when it’s really the unofficial stripper national anthem.

 

Here’s the chorus, if you think I’m lying:

All hail the queen of innuendos.

8. Literally any song by Vybez Kartel

If you close your eyes and pick a song at random from Vybez Kartel’s discography, there’s a 98% chance your ears will be assaulted by lyrics containing frightening levels of violence, misogyny, homophobia etc.

 

Let’s just say I wasn’t surprised to learn how he ended up.

Conclusion:

Music in the 2000s was wild and I honestly can’t wait till time travel is discovered so I can go back and relive it.

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