The bond between a man and his barber is a sacred one. It is not to be trifled with lightly. Every man with a good head of hair knows this. Occasionally, some men, for whatever reason choose to break this consecrated relationship. More often than not, it ends in tears for them. I spoke with seven such men who cheated on their barbers. May it be a lesson to others who are considering doing the same.
Omo, the first time I cheated on my barber was during the lockdown. My barber didn’t open and my hair was really full. One idiot in my neighbourhood told me to come, saying he’d just give me a trim. That’s how this guy gave me lowcut oh. I wanted to run mad.
The second time, I had just relaxed my hair, which is really curly. I went to another guy. Omo I couldn’t cry when the guy finished. And he still collected 1k from me. Something I shouldn’t have paid 200 naira for. Since then, I’ve remained faithful to my barber who I’ve been using since 2009.
I’ve been using my regular barber for over five years. My beard started itching one fateful Saturday, and my barber wasn’t around. So I took a bike to the next hood. I gave this guy specific instructions: “Bro, gimme a clean skin shave but maintain my beard line.” This nigga chopped my beard line on the left side of my face almost halfway in. His excuse? He said he thought I wanted to trim it slim. Why the hell would I want to do that? Am I Tory Lanez or Davido?
At that point, I just told him to shave everything. I left his shop looking like a boy who just wrote Common Entrance. My barber saw me that evening. He laughed for the next three weeks. I had to wear a face cap everywhere I went, even on native. I was ashamed. Now, even if I travel, I prefer to carry my bushy head around till I see my barber. I’ve learned my lesson. If I cheat on my barber, I get no babes for the next three weeks.
I started cheating on my barber late last year because I moved. I’m not gonna lie, I was getting nice trims from the new guy. The lockdown happened and I didn’t cut my hair for several months. I noticed that my hairline was creeping forward instead of backwards as it happens when men get older. It was later that I realised that my new barber had shifted my hairline back by inches and I hadn’t noticed.
I definitely have cheated on my barber. Firstly, it’s not a barber per se. It’s a salon. Everyone there is really qualified so you’re sure to get a good cut. After I’d been using the salon for eight years, the owner of the salon packed up and left to a new location across town, things began to change. The remaining barbers began to look for exclusive customers. You could literally see the heartbreak in their eyes when you choose one over the other. I don’t mind women fighting over me, but these grown men?
Next, they began to stylishly increase their charge. The official charge is written on the wall, but since you are now a customer to one of them, you get “special treatment” which demands special charges. The politics and extortion became too much so I left to a new one very close to my house, an obviously young barber who was new to the business. It ended in tears. My employer knew I had changed barbers. I went back to my original shop until I left the town.
My elder brother has been my barber since I was 10. One time, he travelled. I couldn’t wait for him to get back, so I strolled somewhere to cut my hair. I just noticed that the guy kept shaping and shaping my head. He’d shape a little more, step back and shake his head. It was at this point I knew I was in trouble.
He kept shaping until my hairline slipped back completely. I had to use shaving stick when my friends in school would not stop dragging me. It was better to barb skodo, abeg.
I had been using my barber for two years. One day, I went to his shop and he didn’t have electricity. His gen was also faulty; it was a Sunday and he couldn’t get anyone to repair it. He asked if I could wait and I told him I couldn’t and I would go to another salon close to his shop. At the salon, I told the guy I wanted a fade. He didn’t even ask what type of fade I wanted. He just started doing whatever he liked. The shaping was disastrous.
When he was almost done, his boss came into the shop. I complained bitterly about the haircut and he tried to salvage the situation but it was too late. I even had to pay twice the amount I usually paid my barber. I looked in the mirror and couldn’t accept my new look, so I went back to my barber. I told him to change my hair to lowcut. And still had to pay him too.
I was in my first year in university. There was some buzz about a new barber so I went over to his salon. When I got there, he was occupied with someone else so he asked his apprentice, a new guy, to cut my hair. I was reluctant but I didn’t have a choice. The apprentice knew nothing about haircuts and kept spinning the chair around. When he was done, everyone in the salon started laughing at me. I had to wear a fez cap to lectures for the whole week.
I betrayed my barber in Ikorodu and went all the way to UNILAG where I school to cut my hair. First of all, it was crazy expensive. I thought “Alright, that’s fine. At least the haircut would be fire.” Boy, was I wrong. This happened several weeks ago and till today, my hairline is yet to return to its former position.
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