3 Men On How Marriage Changed Their Relationship With Their Families

April 7, 2021

Navigating relationships with one’s family can become quite dicey after marriage. There’s a lot more to consider now; your partner’s feelings, your family’s wishes and a lot of other factors. I spoke to three married men about how their relationship with their families changed after they married.

Gideon

My family is a very big one and I’m close to almost everyone. I wouldn’t really say the relationship changed after my marriage, I just became a bit more withdrawn from my family. This meant that I’d rather stay home and hang out with my wife rather than go out for a family event if it wasn’t necessary. It’s a choice I made because if I don’t set these lines in place, I’ll always have issues with boundaries.

At first, family members tried reporting me to my dad but I’m a stubborn man. He’d call and ask why I wasn’t at a family event and I’d reply, “Because I didn’t feel like.” After a while, he stopped asking me and told people to come to ask me themselves. I still contribute financially but there’s a lot less of my physical presence.

My wife used to feel bad whenever it was brought up but it’s really my decision. When my mother tried to blame her as a bad influence, I told my mother it was my decision and asked her not to interfere in my home. People tend to respect stuff like that. I guess patriarchy has its benefits.

Olumide

I lost my Dad when I was 8 years old, so my family has always been my mom and my two brothers. My mom was very attached to me because I was obedient, and this remained true till I graduated from university. I realised that I needed to distance myself a bit because I was quite the mommy’s boy, so three years before I married, I moved out of the house. 

I knew my mother was the controlling type so I made sure to set boundaries. Between the time of my introduction and my marriage, I made sure they only met about four or five times. I also made sure I let my mother know that she should respect my wife’s decisions. To date, there are times where she still wants to interfere in my family matters but I try to gently turn her down and make her understand I’m my own man. There are still clashes but there’s an understanding of each person’s boundaries.

When my wife gave birth and my mother was living with us, my mother tried to impose her views about taking care of the baby until my wife got upset and snapped at her. I’ve told my mom to respect our choices. Many times, my mother and wife communicate through me because I know that things can get really tense between them.

Sometimes my wife brings up that my mother’s monthly allowance is too much, after all, I’m not the only child but I tell her that it’s unnegotiable. I placated her by placing her mother on an allowance too, although not as much.

Seun

I lost both my parents within the space of six months in 2012 and I’m the first of four children. While I was dating my wife, I took her to meet my aunt who was the head of the family. The meeting went well but there was some grumbling about the fact that my wife isn’t Yoruba. The family knew they didn’t have the right to say anything because while I was hustling for school fees in the university, they were all unlooking.

Now, everyone in the family just minds the business that pays them. To me, my family consists of my wife, my daughter and me. I’m pretty close to my youngest brother too. He’s a great guy. My two other brothers are always billing me to ask for money they think I have and think I’m stingy when I tell them I don’t have it [laughs].

Are you a man who would like to be interviewed for a Zikoko article? Fill this form and we’ll be in your inbox quicker than you can say “Man Dem.”

Quiz: Which Family Member Do You Look Like? 

Zikoko Donation Banner

Help Zikoko keep making the content you love

More than ever, people are turning to Zikoko for stories that matter and content they love. But still, we, like many media organisations, are feeling the financial heat of these times. If you find us valuable, please make a contribution to help keep Zikoko zikoko-ing.

Thank you for your support.

We are also cool with Crypto.

Donation Close
Zikoko Logo

Complete Your Commitment

Donation confirm

Your Contribution is confirmed! Amount

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

April 22, 2021

Puberty is a period of changes in an adolescent’s body. It can also be a very confusing period for them if they aren’t armed with the right information. From breaking voices to hair growing where it shouldn’t, I spoke to five Nigerian men about experiencing puberty. Ben Puberty didn’t take me by surprise because my […]

January 3, 2021

What does it mean to be a man? Surely, it’s not one thing. It’s a series of little moments that add up. “Man Like” is a weekly Zikoko series documenting these moments to see how it adds up. It’s a series for men by men, talking about men’s issues. We try to understand what it means […]

Watch

Now on Zikoko

May 21, 2022

The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 27-year-old man who masturbated for the first time when he was 22. He talks about the transition from saving himself for marriage to just enjoying sex, and why he never considered masturbation till he started having sex.

Recommended Quizzes

What are you like in a relationship?
February 7, 2020

Your taste in music can say a lot about you, and this time, it’s going to reveal what you are like in a relationship. So, pick a few of your favourite Nigerian love songs, and we’ll let you know if you’re typically a distant, passionate or unbothered partner. Here you go:

October 29, 2019

We are going to be attempting to guess when you’ll marry based on your favourite Nigerian foods. What does your fave swallow have to do with when you’ll tie the knot? Please, don’t ask complicated questions. This quiz is rigorous and accurate (don’t quote us), so just take it already. QUIZ: Why Do You Have […]

April 14, 2020

Every friend group consists of very different and specific characters — from the parent to the fun one — and it can be a little tough figuring out where you fall. So, we’ve created a quiz that lets you know exactly what kind of friend you are. Take to find out:

October 30, 2019

2010 was a game-changing one for Nollywood, with our movies making serious cash and getting international acclaim. So, which of these hits released between 2010 and 2019 — from the pace-setting The Wedding Party to the divisive Trip To Jamaica — best suits your personality? Well, that’s what this quiz is here to answer:

November 1, 2019

Twitter is buzzing right now, bringing a new conversation to the concept of cool vs not-so-cool, especially in relationships. If you’ve been thinking about how much of a red flag you are, why don’t you let this quiz help you decide once and for all?

More from Man Dem

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X