11 Things To Do When She Tells You She “Fell Asleep”

September 20, 2021

Twitter user Oloni asked women what they were really doing when they told their boyfriends that they had fallen asleep. Let’s just say that all these women do is LIE. When she says she fell asleep, chances are that she’s in arms of another man, doing something that’s definitely not sleeping. Next time your woman tells you she fell asleep, do these 11 things.


1. Start crying.

Just start crying. All things being equal, it’s very likely that she’s collecting massive cock and screaming God’s many names.

2. Pray that she’s really sleeping.

Maybe she actually got bit by a tsetse fly and she slept for 13 hours. Maybe.

3. Don’t reply for 24 hours.

Tell her that you went into a coma yourself. What you do with this time is your business. 

4. Try not to imagine the penis she was collecting.

Try not to think about the thick veiny cock that was pounding inside her “while she slept.” You should probably not think about the fact that she was reaching back to put the penis inside her when it slips out.

5. Turn your back on her when you’re sleeping in the same bed.

Show her that you too, know how to sleep.

6. Sleep with her best friend.

She’s not the only person that knows how to play the game.

7. Slap her hand away when she wants to take food from your plate.

Since she has declared war, she must meet at the battle line.

8. Sleep with her mother.

But make sure you do it with respect. No spanking or choking or any of that stuff. She’s an elderly person.

9. Ask her to sleep on the floor when she comes to your house.

Since she knows how to fall asleep, let her start.

10. Create a burner Twitter account and drag her.

Use this opportunity to get things off your chest.

11. When she complains about what happened at work, tell her it was all her fault.

Shebi she knows how to fall asleep?

Zikoko Donation Banner

Help Zikoko keep making the content you love

More than ever, people are turning to Zikoko for stories that matter and content they love. But still, we, like many media organisations, are feeling the financial heat of these times. If you find us valuable, please make a contribution to help keep Zikoko zikoko-ing.

Thank you for your support.

We are also cool with Crypto.

Donation Close
Zikoko Logo

Complete Your Commitment

Donation confirm

Your Contribution is confirmed! Amount

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

January 26, 2021

Growing up, Max* hated dresses and, for that reason alone, he loathed Sundays when his parents demanded that he and his younger sister wore a dress and a head covering as they went to church.  ‘‘I wore a skirt to school from Monday to Friday, but it was the dresses on Sunday that really made […]

Watch

Now on Zikoko

Recommended Quizzes

What are you like in a relationship?
February 7, 2020

Your taste in music can say a lot about you, and this time, it’s going to reveal what you are like in a relationship. So, pick a few of your favourite Nigerian love songs, and we’ll let you know if you’re typically a distant, passionate or unbothered partner. Here you go:

December 5, 2019

We already tried to guess how much you have in your account and your current net worth, and we think we did a pretty great job (keep any complaints to yourself). Now, we’re going to try and guess your monthly salary based on your relationship with money. Oya, take the quiz: 11 Timed Quizzes For […]

December 29, 2021

A new year is right around the corner. Before we go into 2022, enjoy some of our top quizzes from this year. 1. QUIZ: Only Nigerian Gen Z’ers Can Make It To The End Of This Musicians Quiz Forget about your age. If you can make it to the end of this quiz, you’re definitely […]

January 2, 2020

Do you have even a single romantic bone in your body? Well, if you’re not sure about just how sweet and thoughtful you can be to someone you love, that’s what this quiz is here to answer. 11 Quizzes For Nigerians Who Are Ready To Marry  Are you ready to marry? Take these quizzes.

More from Man Dem

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X