Do you love being hated but needed? Do you love playing the villain and the hero? Do you find it easy to let people down? Do you have a penchant for lying? If you answered yes to all these questions, then you are in the right place.
This is an extensive guide on how to use these traits to be the best Nigerian tailor you can be:
1. Always Disappoint
As a Nigerian tailor you always have to be ready to let your customers down for no particular reason. If you promise to deliver in one week, and you see yourself about to actually make that deadline, you must stop immediately and move on to something else.
I thought all those stories about Nigerian tailors were play until I took some jeans to get slim-fitted and the tailor only did one leg.
— SET (@TinubuTweets) July 27, 2015
But most importantly, as a Nigerian tailor, you must remember that you can sew EVERY style. Yes, when a client asks, you just say “yes.” You’ll figure out the logistics later…
2. Be Unpredictable
To be adequately unpredictable is to remember that Nigerians are typically very forgiving. So what you have to do is sneak in a few really good jobs in between the swarm of typically bad ones. Let’s say an average of 2 proper jobs to 10 disappointments. So when they are about to give up on you, they look at that banging asoebi you nailed and remember they still need you.
Yeah, remember they can’t do without you. It’s wedding season, so you’re basically a god.
3. Lie, lie, and then lie some more
There’s an exhaustive set of lies in the Nigerian Tailor handbook for you to use at your discretion, but you must remember to mix it up for your clients. They will know you’re lying, but at least you’re making the effort.
Most importantly, make sure you save the ‘family death’ card for only deadlines that have exceeded 3 months.
4. Really Overcharge
You don’t need to have a set bill structure as a Nigerian tailor. You will be free to charge any client, any amount you want based on your mood at the time and how rich they look; regardless of your set plan to disappoint them, of course.
Don’t hesitate to overcharge for even little things like a standard slim fitting or fixing a button that popped off. Being a tailor is not easy, so make sure you are paid your worth and more. Who knows when next you will see market?
5. Be Selectively Deaf
As a Nigerian tailor, you will have to learn to look like you’re actually paying attention. All your clients will think they know what they want, but the truth is, they really don’t.
So when they tell you repeatedly they want it embroidered with black, you nod, and then go ahead to use that red embroidery, you know goes a lot better with it. After all, you are the tailor, not them.
6. Unsolicited Opinions
You have to be ready to drop your 2 cents every chance you get. It doesn’t even have to be a question for it to warrant an answer.
“I’d like this style, please.”
“No. This one is better”
Yup, just like that. Your opinion is all that matters. Remember again, YOU are the tailor, not them.
Now go forth and be the best Nigerian tailor you can be, but first, don’t forget to share this with your friends and followers.