13 Things You Will Find In Every Nigerian’s Garage


July 27, 2016

1. That deep freezer full of stockfish and goat meat:

Probably 2 freezers sef, if there is space.

2. A stack of buckets nobody is using to do anything:

WHY DO WE HAVE SO MANY BUCKETS?

3. Ghana-must-go bags filled to the brim with nonsense:

That thing you think you misplaced 5 years ago?  It’s inside one of them.

4. Old cans of paint no one will ever use:

For what ehn?

5. At least 3 fuel kegs because NEPA is an enemy of progress:

Can’t risk it.

6. Mattress for the relatives that come and “visit”:

“Visit” that turns into living sha.

7. Every broken gadget that has ever passed through that house:

AC oh, VHS player oh, EVERYTHING!!!

8. The dynamic duo of Nigerian foods:

As if we are storing for the Apocalypse.

9. That Christmas tree and dead Christmas lights that are older than you and your siblings:

Buy new ones ke? For what?

10. All your old textbooks and report cards from primary school to secondary school:

Because that 1999 Ugo C. Ugo might still be useful one day.

11. Old shoes they swear they’ll still wear, even though one leg is missing:

“It just needs polish.”

12. All the plates, bowls and umbrellas from all the Owambes they’ve ever attended:

And there have been A LOT of Owambes.

13. The special cutlery you only use during christmas and when really important guests come:

Not for you people oh, you’re not special enough.

So, basically EVERYTHING is in that garage except their actual car:

Our parents are special, abeg.

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