15 Things You Probably Heard All The Time If You Grew Up With Nigerian Parents


November 25, 2015

1. “You have joined bad gang.”

Used when your behavior just defies all understanding. “Why are you flying your shirt like an agbero? So you have joined bad gang?”

2. “Am I your mate?”

Used when they are saying one thing and you are saying two things. “I am talking and you too you are talking. Am I now your mate?”

3. “You’ve grown wings.”

Used when you are trying to form adult in front them. “AH! So you’ve grown wings abi?”

4. “Before I open my eyes…”

Used when they want to give you adequate time to escape before they kill you. “My friend, you better get out of my front before I open my eyes.”

5. “Let me keep it for you.”

Used when they want your money. You’ll most likely never see it again. “Aunty said she gave you money, bring it let me keep it for you.”

6. “If you like…”

It actually means “if you want to die” “If you like, don’t be inside this house by 6.”

7. “I did not kill my parents, you will not kill me.”

Used they are reaching the peak of their stress levels. “I did not kill my parents, you will not kill me. It’s me that will kill you first.”

8. “…there is rice in the fridge.”

Used whenever you bring up eating outside. “Mummy, can we branch Mr. Biggs?” “Why? When there is rice in the fridge.”

9. “When I was your age…”

Used when they are about to exaggerate. “When I was your mate, I used to walk past 4 villages just to get to school”

10. “Let us clean the house.”

Used when they want YOU to clean the house. “Oya, let US clean this house.” *sits and crosses leg*

11. “We will soon leave.”

Used when you will be there for at least another hour. “Tunde get ready, we will soon be going.”

12. “Oya come and beat me.”

Used when you make the fatal error of trying to talk back to them or worse, dodge a slap. “Oh? You are now a man abi? Oya come and beat me now.”

13. “See your life.”

Used when they want you to reflect on your own stupidity. “So this is the result you brought home? You see your life, when all you know is to be pressing phone.”

14. “Can’t they come to your own house?”

Used when you want to go visit a friend. “Everytime Folake’s house, Cynthia’s house. Can’t they come to your own house? Or you want them to think you don’t have house?”

15. “Have you seen me this morning?”

Used when you don’t greet them quickly enough. “So you cannot greet, abi? Have you seen me this morning?”

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