The Zikoko Guide On What To Do When Your Friend’s Music Is Trash

March 1, 2021

Do you know what one of the most awkward things in the world is? Your friend comes up to you, handing you their phone to listen to their music while smiling hard, their eyes filled with hope and love so you listen but realize, it just isn’t good. Then they ask you, what do you think? Now you are in an awkward situation wondering what to say or do. Don’t worry, Zikoko dey for you. Here’s a guide on how to tell your friend their music career is a mistake.

Cut Up Your Ears After Listening To Their Song.


Just listen to us. Is it dramatic? Very. But it passes the message across. Once they finish playing the song for you, calmly remove the earphones from your ears, pick up a knife, look at them deep in their eyes, and in two swift motions, cut out both of your ears. I assure you, they’ll never sing again. I just hope you don’t have any other friend who wants to go into music and need your opinions because then, there’ll be a problem.

Have a Conversation About It.

Let’s say for whatever reason, you do not want to be dramatic and cut off your ears, you could talk to them and have a nice conversation. Here are our top picks for things to say to them after realizing their music is irredeemably bad.
‘A 9 to 5 might be more your speed, don’t you think?’
‘I think Chicken Republic is hiring. Think about it.’
‘We all have different talents. Keep trying, you’ll find yours.’
‘Is this a demo? As in, is this the finished song? Wow.’

Leave Job Openings Around Them.

Let’s say you want to go for something even more subtle. You could smile after listening to their song and in the coming days, cut out job opening clippings from newspapers and sprinkle them around their house. Borrow their phones, open job searching websites and hand the phone back to them. Drop some search flyers on their gas cooker. Use a job flyer as a fan. After one week, they’ll get the message.

Lie Your Ass Off, Forever.

I want you to know that lying is very much still an option. You could tell them their music is the best thing since sliced bread and that Beyonce should watch out. The problem with this is that once you’ve uttered this lie, get ready to commit to it. You’ll have to be their biggest cheerleader when they throw concerts and you are the only person in attendance, get ready to more than overcompensate.

Desmond

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