Nigerians do the most when it comes to announcing their presence. If you’re wondering what some of the ways this plays out are, read on.

We’ve identified and ranked them from the bad to the very worst.

How do Nigerians introduce themselves?

5. They don’t

A lack of proper introduction from a Nigerian is an introduction in itself. Strange number texted you on WhatsApp? It’s either one of these scenarios – they got your number from some friend who they won’t name, tell you not to worry about getting a proper introduction, or just send a lone “Hi.”Then all you’ll hear is crickets after asking how they got your number. Nawa.

4. “It’s me”

If a Nigerian knocks on your door and you ask, “Who’s there?” don’t expect a proper introduction. It is them. If you can’t figure out their identity from the way the knock sounds, you have to open the door and hope that it’s not your village people catching up with you.

3. iPhone ringtone

Nigerian iPhone users want their devices to do the introduction. Before you speak to them, first know that they’re not your mate.

2. “You don’t know who is speaking?”

This type of introduction is common with phone calls where the caller’s identity is supposed to be ministered to you by the Holy Spirit. It can also be, “Ah. So you didn’t save my number?” Take note that if you confess to not saving their number, you’ll be in for it despite them being the ones introducing themselves wrongly. Wahala oh.

1. “Do you know who I am?”

When a Nigerian asks you this question, it is not rhetorical. You’re expected to respond in the negative. Then they’ll go on a self-aggrandising spree on how they can make your life a living hell for disrespecting them. Situations where this introduction format can be used include: ATM queues, banking halls, restaurants…basically anywhere flexing fragile egos are allowed.

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