When your country is the poverty capital of the world, you’d do almost anything to get by.
From selling flat tummy teas on Instagram to making a career of playing Baba Ijebu. But we’d never have guessed being a professional on how to mix cream would make the cut.
Notice that’s how to mix ‘cream’, without the s? This ‘cream’ should in no way be confused for moisturizers safe to use on human bodies.
However, since y’all have insisted on making dangerous careers out of this, here’s a handy Zikoko guide on how to mix cream:
Have absolutely no qualifications on how to mix cream.
Dermatological license? Who that one epp?
Open an Instagram account.
Feel free to buy followers or whatever. But just open one.
Post little ‘how to mix cream tutorials’ on your page using the strangest ingredients imaginable.
I’m talking arsenic, gun powder, wall gecko faeces. No ingredient is too weird when you’re teaching how to mix cream.
Have no real standard of measurements when you’re mixing ingredients to make cream.
Half a gallon of roasted fish here, some hydroquinine there. Who exact measurements aid?
Offer paid training classes on how to mix cream.
Even though again, you have no qualifications on how to mix cream.
Name your products with the most colourist descriptors you can imagine.
Mulatto gold. Half-caste supreme. Go wild with it. Bonus points of you add ‘extra strength’ when naming these products.
Also, sprinkle the words ‘brightening’ or ‘lightening’ when naming your products.
If you’re feeling like it, name them both brightening and lightening products.
Plaster the face of any random woman in full make-up when packaging your product.
Do this just because. A how to mix cream professional doesn’t need reasons.
Also, on Instagram, place close before and after pictures of your clients. Like say their improved faces after two weeks.
But absolutely do not post any follow up images three months after, when the sun burns and the weird veins start to pop up on their skins.
Make sure to jump and pass getting any NAFDAC certifications for your products.
You wouldn’t want to go to jail, now would you?
Sit back and marvel at how much skin cancer you may have potentially bottled up while mixing your cream.
The powers your ‘cream’ have.
Clearly none of this is advice. If you are how to mix cream professional without the proper qualifications and licensing for it, you’re also a criminal and must be stopped.
If you patronize this how to mix cream professionals, just stop. Your skin colour is great without any lightening. Use sunscreen and flourish.
