Sex Life: Reclaiming My Power By Dominating Men

October 31, 2020

Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.


The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 30-year-old bisexual woman who was sexually assaulted multiple times while growing up. Now, she’s reclaiming her power by dominating men in bed with strap-ons and bondage play.

What was your first sexual experience?

I was eight or nine. Teenagers in my estate would gather all the kids my age, pair us up and force us to make out in front of them. I knew it was weird, but it wasn’t until I got older that I realised it was sexual abuse.

That’s awful. How long did that go on for?

A few months. One of the younger kids told their parents and that’s why it stopped. It’s funny that you called it “awful” because it didn’t feel that way at the time. Now that I think about it, it definitely affected the way I look at sex.

A lot of my sexual experiences following that were also not under my control. 

How do you mean?

My first-ever boyfriend raped me, and before that, I was sexually assaulted in secondary school — a senior took me behind one of the classes and groped me. By the time I was in university, I just wanted to know what consensual sex actually felt like.

I’m so sorry. What was the first consensual experience like?

It was with a friend-turned-boyfriend. I initially didn’t want to date him because I knew he was a hoe. He used to tell me stories about all his sexual conquests, and I was sure he’d just fuck and leave me. 

I eventually agreed to date him, and we started having sex. While I appreciate that he helped awaken my body to sex, he was never able to make me come. I was always faking it. The only way I could come was through masturbation. 

When did you first get to orgasm from sex?

I was 23 and my ex had just ghosted me. So I started having a bunch of one-night stands to help get over him. I wasn’t having orgasms with them, but I was enjoying the thrill of being with new people.

After a series of guys, I eventually had a one-night stand with someone who seemed to know my body better than even I did. He gave me head, and I had my first proper orgasm with a man. That’s when I finally understood all the hype around sex.

If you didn’t get the hype up until that point, why did you keep having it?

I’ve always been interested in the act of sex. That interest was what propelled me to continue sleeping with different men even though I wasn’t enjoying it. I held on to the hope that I would eventually figure it out. Thankfully, I did.

That’s great. What’s your sex life like now?

It’s really interesting. About a year ago, I realised I’m very into being a Dom (dominant) in bed. I love having that control and power. It turns me on to tie men up, blindfold them and use their body for my will. 

At the start of this year, I pegged my first guy. Like, I actually used a strap-on to fuck him. It was great. I think I just decided that if I’m going to continue having sex, it has to be the kind of sex I want. 

Interesting. What made you decide that?

Last year, I dated someone who was a complete asshole. He crushed my spirit. When it ended, instead of just sleeping around to get over him, I actually sat down and asked myself what I really wanted from sexual and romantic relationships.

That was the catalyst for me deciding to get my power back. I knew I no longer wanted vanilla sex. I was ready to do all the things that had always been at the back of my mind.

Is it easy to find Nigerian men who want to be dominated by a woman?

Yes and no. No, because a lot of Nigerian men subscribe to that I-am-the-head bullshit. Thankfully, social media has helped me find the type of men who are open to exploring. 

I have a burner account on Twitter where I share all the thoughts in my head, and I’ve gathered a little following of interested people. I even get approached by men abroad who are looking to be dominated. 

What exactly do you tweet with that account?

Anything from pictures of the strap-ons I’ve used, to all the nasty things I want to do to men. 

How many guys have you met off Twitter?

About 10. I’ve pegged three out of the 10 guys, and two of them are now repeat clients. The last guy I pegged is coming back for more, and he plans to pay even more money. He really enjoyed our last session.

Oh? You charge the men?

It depends on what we’re doing. If we are just chatting on Twitter, I won’t charge for that. If it’s an in-person session, then I charge for that. Getting paid to fuck a guy in the ass just adds an extra layer of domination that I love. 

I don’t charge everyone the same amount. I know Nigeria is tough, so I pity some people. I generally charge based on what I think the person can afford. I think I’ve even had a session where I didn’t charge at all.

Interesting. Do you still do romantic relationships?

Yeah. I’m currently sleeping with a man I’ll call my main submissive. We met organically and developed a romantic relationship. When we started sleeping with each other and talking about sex, I realised he was the sub I’d been looking for.

So, right now, we are in a Dom/sub relationship, as well a romantic one. 

What’s the difference?

A Dom/sub relationship is defined by the power dynamics. The Dom, me in this case, always takes the lead. Even outside the bedroom, I’m in control. For example, when we go on dates, I decide where we go and also order food for both of us.

That’s just one of the many ways we’ve infused the Dom/sub relationship into our romantic one.

Does he mind that you hook up with other men?

Nope. He actually gets turned on by it. It’s a very interesting relationship.

How is sex with him?

It’s so much fun. Before him, my main sexual partner was a fellow Dom. We both kept trying to outdo each other in bed, and that was interesting in its own way. With my current partner, it’s more fulfilling.

He always wanted to do kinky things, but he never had the opportunity until now. I’m basically his teacher. Right now, we are preparing him for his first-ever peg session. I’ve never pegged a newbie, so I want to make sure he’s ready.

That’s sweet. Is there anything else you’d like to try in bed?

I’d like to finally sleep with a woman. I came out as bisexual a year ago, but I’ve never had sex with a woman. I just know I’ve always been into women. Even when I watch porn, I’m always focused on the women.

I’ve made out with a few girls, but I’ve never gone all the way.

Why not?

Honestly, I’m scared that I’ll be bad at it. I know how to sleep with men, that’s pretty easy, but with women, it’s more complicated. That being said, there is a woman I’m currently talking to. I’m really interested in her, and I’m excited to see where that leads.

How would you rate your sex life on a scale of 1 to 10?

I would rate it a solid 9. I’m really enjoying my sex life right now, especially getting to explore my kinks with my partner. When I finally get to be with a woman, it’ll definitely be a 10.


Check back every Saturday by 12pm for new stories in the Sex Life series. If you would like to get this story in your mail before everyone else — complete with inside gist that doesn’t make the final cut, sign up here. Catch up on older stories here.

NerdEfiko

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

March 30, 2021

Some men are going to read the title of the article and lose their shit, we are sorry, or maybe not. We’ve read in a couple of articles that sex toys are supposed to support men and not compete with them but this is not one of those articles. Here are a few reasons why […]

Watch

Now on Zikoko

April 16, 2021

There’s only one thing more painful than stubbing your little on the sharp edge of furniture – watching other people take credit for something you worked really hard for. I spoke to four Nigerians who recount their experiences under glory-thieving bosses. Here’s what they had to say. Tola I was an assistant producer working on […]

April 16, 2021

If you enjoy any of the fruits on this list, delete every tweet that suggests you’re broke and stop lying. 1. Strawberries Everyone that makes strawberry flavoured snacks or beverages is a dirty smelling liar. Strawberries are not sweet. They are sour as fuck. In addition to being sour, they’re also expensive as hell. So […]

April 16, 2021

Everyone knows Nigerian universities are designed to break you. But when you’re the god of thunder, it should be easy, right? On this episode of #JustImagine, we reimagine Thor as a Nigerian student named, Tomiwa. Campus Hostel Bode, Tomiwa’s friend and roommate, is standing outside the hostel addressing a small crowd. The crowd is agitated. […]

Recommended Quizzes

January 2, 2020

Do you have even a single romantic bone in your body? Well, if you’re not sure about just how sweet and thoughtful you can be to someone you love, that’s what this quiz is here to answer. 11 Quizzes For Nigerians Who Are Ready To Marry  Are you ready to marry? Take these quizzes.

October 30, 2019

Kemi Adetiba’s King of Boys movie got a lot of things right, especially casting, so yes, it was a monster hit. Now, we know you may not have put much thought to this, but the personalities of some of the characters closely match yours, and we would like to help you find the perfect match. […]

November 28, 2019

There are so many talented and stunning Nollywood actors that make it hard not to fall in love with them. So, while we all know the likelihood of us ending up with any of them is super low, it’s still fun to imagine a world where we actually stood a chance, and that’s why this […]

More from Sex Life

April 10, 2021

With almost two years of being in existence, Sex Life has grown while staying true to its goal of exploring the sex lives of Nigerians. In the last one year and five months since Sex Life was created, we’ve spoken to about eighty Nigerians who are at different places in their lives, with different orintentations, […]

March 27, 2021

The subject of this week’s Sex Life is a 28-year-old heterosexual Nigerian woman who recently got married. She talks about how rumours about her sex life and stereotypes about being a Muslim woman gave her more reasons to stay celibate until marriage, and also made her detest men.

March 12, 2021

The subject of this week’s Sex Life is a heterosexual Nigerian woman in her early 40s. She talks about barely caring about sex when she got married in her 20s and how this is changing now that her children are grown up and away from home.

February 27, 2021

The subject of this week’s Sex Life is a 39-year-old heterosexual man who was celibate for almost a decade before he got married. He talks about his wild sexual past and how he thinks that might be stopping him from fully enjoying married sex.

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X