Sex Life: I Think I Am Sex-Fatigued

May 1, 2021

The subject of this week’s sex life is a 32-year heterosexual woman who is tired of having sex. She talks about her very sexually active 20s and how today, nothing about sex excites her especially sex with her husband.


What was your first sexual experience?

In secondary school, there was a guy that I would go to preparatory classes with and we would sneak to one side of an unused class and pretend to be reading. After a while, he would put his hands down my skirt and finger me. We did it for a long time, we never talked about it during the day and we never pushed too far. However, one time I gave him a handjob.

How long did this go on?

About a year or so. I didn’t want to cross the line of penetrative sex because my family was religious

How religious?

My dad is a senior pastor, and my mother was the chairwoman of the women in her church district. My grandfather was a pastor too and my eldest sister is very religious.

It’s basically a family business. 

When did you ‘cross the line’?

When I got to university. It’s funny how I didn’t want to ‘lose my virginity’ till marriage —  I wanted to be special and all — but I lost it to a one night stand.

How did that happen?

I met this guy at a friend’s party and we clicked well. He was smart and fun and I was into his everything so we exchanged numbers. We talked for a while and one day, I went over to his place and we had sex. I can’t even remember his name. But I have no regrets because I was old enough to have sense. It was  a conscious decision to lose it and I was aware enough of what that meant. 

That sounds –

I also blocked his number immediately after. 

Oh? Why?

I heard that some people have a level of ‘power’ over someone if they are  the first person they had sex with and I didn’t want to risk it so I made sure it ended there and then.

What was your sex life like after that?

In one word, wild. After that experience, I wanted to experience it in all its flavour and omo, it was a ride. For three years, I was a free agent. I had fun, had sex, sometimes even regularly with one person. I even tried things with a woman, did an orgy, tried BDSM. I don’t think there’s anything sexual – that isn’t too dangerous or disgusting – that I didn’t try. 

And during this period, you didn’t date anyone?

I eventually did, I dated two guys. I’ve never been big on relationships and commitment. I still don’t think I am. I dated someone for two months and the next person I dated has been my husband for two years. We dated for one year and eight months. I kind of got married out of boredom.

Run that by me again.

Lmao. So I had a really fun hoe phase for a while then stopped.  After this, I dated someone – the person I dated for two months – and went back to my hoe lifestyle. 

After a while, I got bored with all of it. I still had sex but it wasn’t as exciting to me. Then I met my husband. He is the sweetest guy in the world, but man, he is boring. 

How so?

He doesn’t try new things, he is’t fun and random in the way I am and I wish he was. I’ll send thirst traps and his replies are very boring and meh. I have to physically drag him out for us to go out. I’m the opposite. 

Why did you marry him if you guys are so different?

Stability. He is a rock, extremely stable and always there for you. At the time, I had lost my mum and needed something or someone to fall back on. And it was him and marriage. I sound like I hate it and him but I don’t. I love the man but I wish he could excite me more.

How has that affected your sex life?

If I blow down my vagina, I think dust bunnies will rise. 

Wow.

I’m kidding. We do have sex, but not as often as I envisioned I would be having sex as a married woman. Like twice or thrice in a month and it’s just usually just okay.

Considering how sexually active you used to be, does this frequency bother you?

So mine is an interesting case. Before I met my husband, I had a bit of a depression where I wasn’t having sex as often. I was bored of life and sex. The depression left but my sex drive didn’t return. Sometimes, I wonder if I used up all my sex drive and libido in my 20s and now in my thirties, It’s very meh.

What’s your sex life like right now?

Honestly, compared to my 20s? Non-existent. Like I said, my husband and I do have sex but it’s like once a week or every few weeks and it’s not exciting to me. I find it hard to blame him because I feel like it’s a me-issue.

Why do you think so?

My husband might not be the most exciting person but it is my sex drive that is gone, not his. He has always been like this from what I gather. Last year, I tried cheating on him and when I got to the place, I didn’t feel anything. So I left. That’s when I realised my sex life problems were my fault.

Have you talked to your husband or anyone about it?

If I tell my husband, he’ll think I’m attacking him for being boring or something. If I tell my friends, they’ll think I just want to have my hoe phase again which isn’t true. So I’m thinking of seeking therapy.

Do you have a theory why this happened?

Maybe I’m still depressed but don’t know itor I’m  a late-blooming asexual person. I frankly don’t know.

How would you rate your sex life?

Don’t you need Sex Life to rate it? I guess one or two because sometimes I have sex with my husband. I miss when sex was a thing I yearned for and when I used to get orgasms. God when next?

Zikoko Donation Banner

Help Zikoko keep making the content you love

More than ever, people are turning to Zikoko for stories that matter and content they love. But still, we, like many media organisations, are feeling the financial heat of these times. If you find us valuable, please make a contribution to help keep Zikoko zikoko-ing.

Thank you for your support.

We are also cool with Crypto.

Donation Close
Zikoko Logo

Complete Your Commitment

Donation confirm

Your Contribution is confirmed! Amount

Desmond

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

August 31, 2020

As told to Eris Ekanem I had a conversation with a 24-year-old who suspects that her husband cheated on her with his cousin while they were still dating. She talks about the age difference between them, the disrespect she had to endure while dating him and the choice she had to make. There are so […]

April 10, 2021

With almost two years of being in existence, Sex Life has grown while staying true to its goal of exploring the sex lives of Nigerians. In the last one year and five months since Sex Life was created, we’ve spoken to about eighty Nigerians who are at different places in their lives, with different orintentations, […]

December 9, 2020

The subject of this week’s What She Said is a 36-year-old woman who has no plans to get married or have children. She talks about how she went from wanting to get married and have children to never wanting any and why she loves getting older.

Watch

Now on Zikoko

May 10, 2021

Emojis were created to make texting cooler and make conversations a lot more interesting. Since we are ever so kind at Zikoko, we’ve taken it upon ourselves to interpret what some emojis should mean.  1.🙂 This emoji should be called the 40+ emoji, it’s not a smile or a frown? It’s passive-aggressive, very much like […]

May 10, 2021

‘Real men don’t cry’ is one of the top three most stupid and inaccurate things I have ever heard. Men cry, that’s the reality of life and it doesn’t make them less of men. To help illustrate and normalize men crying for normal and silly things, we asked a few men what the weirdest and […]

May 10, 2021

According to the World Health Organisation, one in four Nigerians live with a mental health condition. That’s 50 million Nigerians. Yet, the country is ill-equipped to provide adequate care to the people who need it the most. With only eight federal government-run neuropsychiatric hospitals, there are a ton of people in need of mental health […]

Recommended Quizzes

June 14, 2020

Have you ever been with someone so horrible that you swore to never date again? Yes? Well, do you know that one or more of your exes probably feels the same way about you? You never thought about that, huh? Thankfully, this quiz is here to let you know just how much of a hassle […]

January 2, 2020

Do you have even a single romantic bone in your body? Well, if you’re not sure about just how sweet and thoughtful you can be to someone you love, that’s what this quiz is here to answer. 11 Quizzes For Nigerians Who Are Ready To Marry  Are you ready to marry? Take these quizzes.

April 9, 2020

At some point in life, we all learnt that someone can be very intelligent and still lack common sense. That’s the difference between being book smart and being street smart. If you’re not sure where on the spectrum you fall, well, that’s what this quiz is here to tell you. Take it:

how tall are you
March 11, 2020

Did your parents give you enough beans when you were growing up? If they did, then you’re probably around 6’0″ and above. Either way, we created a quiz that can guess your current height (pretty accurately, if we do say so ourselves). Take to see if we nailed it:

More from Sex Life

May 7, 2021

The subject of this week’s Sex Life is a 32-year-old woman who decided to stop having sex after she turned 30. She talks her toxic sex life in her 20s and how this decision has helped her improve the quality of her life, relationship and friendships.

May 1, 2021

The subject of this week’s sex life is a 32-year heterosexual woman who is tired of having sex. She talks about her very sexually active 20s and how today, nothing about sex excites her especially sex with her husband. What was your first sexual experience? In secondary school, there was a guy that I would […]

April 17, 2021

Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians. The subject of this week’s Sex Life is a 29-year-old gay man whose sexual addiction ruined his three-year relationship. He talks about how the end of his relationship made him realise he has […]

April 10, 2021

With almost two years of being in existence, Sex Life has grown while staying true to its goal of exploring the sex lives of Nigerians. In the last one year and five months since Sex Life was created, we’ve spoken to about eighty Nigerians who are at different places in their lives, with different orintentations, […]

March 27, 2021

The subject of this week’s Sex Life is a 28-year-old heterosexual Nigerian woman who recently got married. She talks about how rumours about her sex life and stereotypes about being a Muslim woman gave her more reasons to stay celibate until marriage, and also made her detest men.

March 12, 2021

The subject of this week’s Sex Life is a heterosexual Nigerian woman in her early 40s. She talks about barely caring about sex when she got married in her 20s and how this is changing now that her children are grown up and away from home.

February 27, 2021

The subject of this week’s Sex Life is a 39-year-old heterosexual man who was celibate for almost a decade before he got married. He talks about his wild sexual past and how he thinks that might be stopping him from fully enjoying married sex.

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X