Did somebody say:
I’m always one to look for silver linings in any situation. So when news of the coronavirus in Nigeria broke, I didn’t fret. Right there for the taking, was a golden payback opportunity, for every Nigerian child who has had to respond with ‘insightful’ to a 400-page essay forwarded by their Nigerian parent in a BC on Whatsapp.
I won’t tell if you won’t, but we’re about to beat our parents at their own game. We’ve been on the receiving end of too many BCs telling us not to use phones in the kitchen and to consume saltwater sandwiches to cure cancer. Here are quick and easy Whatsapp Broadcast messages to send to your parents to have them doing your bidding for good:
“To help fight coronavirus, the government is advising that all forms of daily broadcast messages be stopped.”
“A limit of two broadcast messages per week, no longer than 6 lines is advised.“
“It is advisable that while the coronavirus is around, the elderly engage in exercise.”
“A nameless, faceless medical doctor in India 6 years ago advised that to fight Covid-19, elders should stand to pick up the remote and not call Bola in the next compound when it’s close to them.“
“Mothers please, put down the coronavirus agbo cure someone sold you on the bus.”
“My guy was just trying to make a buck. He probably whipped it up with engine oil in his back yard. 0/10 would not recommend.”
“While the coronavirus rages and henceforth, it has been scientimathematically proven that answering ‘put it on my head’, will no longer work in response to inquires on object placement by your respective children.”
“Signed, management.“
“To prevent annoying the coronavirus in Nigeria, researchers have advised that parents resist asking their older children the question ‘when will you marry’”.
“It’s science that said it, not us.”
“Government said we should tell you that ‘because you’re always pressing phone’ no longer counts as a reason to chastise children.”
“You’re addicted to Whatsapp too daddy. That’s what government said we should tell you.“
What did we leave out? Compose your broadcast messages in the comments below.
