1. You have become an adept bouquet catcher…

Or the last time you had a chance to catch the bouquet was five years ago.

2. You’ve attended so many weddings, you can lecture the wedding MC.

You even know every good reception hall in Lagos. And all the wedding vendors know you by first name and face.

3. Your friends kids are old enough to call you uncle/aunty.

4. You have so many bride’s maid dresses or suits and agbada that you can basically open your own boutique.

5. You can feel your biological clock ticking.

6. Your mother has stopped fasting for your marriage because she can’t come and die.

7. When all your friends can’t hang out on Saturday morning because they now have to attend PTA meetings.

8. Your Pastor appoints you the head of the Singles’ Fellowship.

You’ve been the head of the Singles’ fellowship for five years. Under your leadership, membership has grown. They should just impeach you.

9. When the invitations to events you get are now addressed to Mr, and Mrs _________ .

10. Rent is going up.

Why me?

11. They’ve refused to promote you at work for the past three years.

What’s all this discrimination?

12. Netflix and chill is now Netflix and snore. Enthusiasm levels have ebbed.

13. You now find booty calls annoying.

14. Your only confidante is now your teddy bear. Or a damp pillow. You used to have a BFF, but your BFF married their new BFF.

Please, go and marry.

15. You are contemplating becoming president.

You are convinced that your future self will become president, so you have to advice now self to marry. Or nobody will take your future self seriously.


Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.