The Zikoko Guide To Hacking Sallah Meat

August 20, 2018

You deserve the good things in life like Sallah meat, so we want you to get the most out of it. The thing about enjoying Sallah as a non-Muslim is that you need a strategy and a plan and we are here to help you figure that out.

The first thing you need to do is make a list of all your Muslim friends and wish them happy Sallah.

Don’t forget to ask what time you should come around for your Sallah meat.

When you are done making your calls, make a list of all the sure places you are going to get Sallah meat.

After making a list you now have to map out your waka. If you are getting Sallah meat from two places in Ikeja and one place in VI, you can’t go to Ikeja, then V.I, then come back to Ikeja again.

Set out all your nylons and plastic packs tonight.

play along

You are going to set out early in the morning, so you won’t have time to be looking for nylon.

Go early so you can help the people you are collecting meat from arrange chair and table.

If they notice you, you’ll get extra meat.

Don’t wear anything too tight you have to dress up like you are ready to die on the line.

You want to eat Sallah rice but you are wearing high waisted jeans. You are obviously not ready for life.

Don’t waste time in one place, collect all the meat you can and keep it moving.

The more places you hit, the more meat for you.

Don’t be disrespectful and show up at anyone’s house before they came back from prayers.

Please remember your home training.

Buy flagyl down because you will know you won Sallah when you spend the next day sitting over the toilet seat.

If anything must kill man, let it be enjoyment – Albert Einstein, 2018

Avoid soft drinks through out the day until you are ready to retire for the day.

The only thing you want filling your stomach up is Sallah meat and firewood Jollof.

Don’t venture out alone, assemble a crew of two or three people.

The more the merrier.

If you are stopping by a stranger’s house, then greet them properly don’t just enter the house and start looking for Sallah meat like you don’t have home training.

“Salam Aleikum, Happy Sallah”

If you have any other tips to help us collect plenty Sallah meat, please share don’t let us dull.

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

Watch

Now on Zikoko

Recommended Quizzes

September 1, 2021

August is over, and here are some of our best quizzes from August. Enjoy: 1. QUIZ: Only Ajebutters Can Get 10/21 On This Quiz Some people like to form ajepako when they’re really ajebutter. Are you one of them? Let’s find out. 2. QUIZ: Sorry, If You’re Under 25 There’s No Way You Can Pass […]

November 11, 2019

Today, we are going to be using your taste in music to determine how good you actually are in bed. All you need to do is create the ultimate Nigerian hit — from the lead artist to the producer — and we’ll tell you if all your partners leave satisfied, or if you are just […]

December 29, 2021

A new year is right around the corner. Before we go into 2022, enjoy some of our top quizzes from this year. 1. QUIZ: Only Nigerian Gen Z’ers Can Make It To The End Of This Musicians Quiz Forget about your age. If you can make it to the end of this quiz, you’re definitely […]

December 3, 2019

Are you a professional Yoruba demon? Are you walking around in search of whose life you can wreck at any given time? Well, this quiz knows exactly how many hearts you’ve shattered to date, and before you lie that your result is inaccurate, just remember that Zikoko is never wrong. Now, take it and be […]

More from Oldies

May 27, 2021

Children’s day, a day set apart for kids. Like they don’t win at life already? You’re not paying bills or rent and you have a day to celebrate yourself? Get me their manager, please. On days like this, we can’t help but remember how good we used to have it so we wrote this article […]

February 12, 2020

Forget Tunji and Daniella, if you’re wondering who your best friend is, it’s most definitely the phone you’re either reading this from or the phone that’s somewhere within your vision; we know this because you’re definitely a phone addict that gets a little impatient when you’re too far away from your phone. Okay, let’s not […]

February 8, 2020

Yes, Valentine’s Day is almost here. Love notes, chocolates, hampers, and everything that comes with it. But while everyone is being hit by cupid’s arrow, there are some people who don’t even feel the hype. If you’re one of them, then grab a seat at this table. 1. You, when you hear that Valentine is […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X