1. When you misbehave and your parents threaten to send you to school in Nigeria.

Hay God!

2. You, watching your neighbours with their costumes and free candy on Halloween.

The devil holiday.

3. Your house during Halloween:

Na wa.

4. When your father calls you to tell your friend to come back and greet him well.

Is it me that one is telling “hi”?

5. When you ask your mother if you can go for a sleepover.

Better sit in your house.

6. Whenever your relatives from Nigeria call.

“Mummy, who is that?” “Just take the phone.”

7. You, whenever a teacher doesn’t pronounce your name correctly.

Better fix up.

8. When someone asks if you have an easier name.

You can pronounce Schwarzenegger, abi? You gon’ learn today.

9. Your class, when the teacher says something about Africa.

Face your front, abeg.

10. When someone asks you if you can speak African.

Don’t be unfortunate.

11. When you’re surrounded by restaurants but all you eat is:

There is always rice at home.

12. When your family goes for a “short visit” to Nigeria.

Hian! What is it?

13. When your mother knocks your head in public and people start staring.

See my life.

14. When you see your white friends talk back to their parents.


15. Your parents, whenever you brought home a Nigerian friend.

“Thank God!”


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