1. ‘For our wonderful parents, whose children got 98% in exams, please endeavor to ask them where the remaining 2% went’

2. ‘For our darling mothers, when you send Junior to bring things for you, remember to tell him to put it on your head if he asks where to drop it’

3. ‘Also, please do not relent in your efforts to remind your children that you did not kill your mother, so they cannot kill you’

4. ‘When relaxing in the parlour, remember to add slippers and nail cutters to the remote you normally ask for; the possibilities are endless’

5. ‘Mr Udoh, it is your turn to compile the Whatsapp Broadcast messages we shall send to our children this month, feel free to add some from last month or last year!’

6. ‘Also, no matter what our children say, we shall always pronounce it ‘WhatsZup’; they can’t know more than their parents after all’

7. ‘Deliberations are still on-going as to changing the official generator time from 7 to 8pm, this recession na die’

8. ‘Bretheren, let us remember to intensify our efforts to shout at the children when we get back from work. If we don’t do it, who will?’


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