The Nigerian Guide To Marriage

August 12, 2016
SATIRE! SATIRE! SATIRE!

1. First of all, if you are a woman, marriage is the most important thing in this life (for you)!

Not your education, personal happiness, spiritual life or growth as an individual.

2. As for you Mr man, remember that by marrying any woman, you are doing her a favour.

As a kind and generous man!

3. As a Nigerian man, you cannot say anything if you are struggling financially. Suffer in silence.

Are you not a man? Let the stress kill you.

4. Ladies, even if you have money to help out financially, don’t!

Who said marriage is about partnership? Please it’s not that type of partnership oh!

5. Woman, your husband is more important than anybody, including you.

Yes. Who are you?

6. As a man, you are the most important member of your household.

The king.

7. If you see your husband doing something wrong, keep your opinions and suggestions to yourself.

It’s better like that!

8. As man, even if you know you are doing something wrong just continue.

No defeat, no surrender!

9. Ladies, cooking for your husband and stomach-related activities are what should consume your mind: day and night.

Food. Food. Food.

10. As a man, it’s important you never learn to feed yourself because that is what women are there for.

Yup!

11. If your husband loses weight, even for health reasons people will blame you and what can only be terrible cooking.

Do better ma.

12. If your wife gains too much weight, she is obviously not taking the marriage serious.

See stress.

13. Ladies, don’t have friends oh, they will spoil your marriage.

See them, busybodies.

14. Guys make sure you spend as much free time as possible with your guys, to help you relieve the tension of being in a stressful marriage.

It’s important!

15. If you have problems, a good wife doesn’t tell anyone that can help. Only God.

Remember to pray for one hour sharp! If not it won’t be effective.

16. Once she does anything wrong, make sure you report her to anyone who has ears.

Next time she will not try such!

17. As a married woman, If your in-laws are being wicked to you, enjoy it.

It’s very delicious.

18. A visual representation of what happens when a Nigerian husband sees his in-laws:

See no wahala, hear no wahala, speak to no wahala!

19. Even if you are working, your husband’s contribution to the children is purely financial.

Taking care of them is fully your work.

20. If your wife asks you to watch the children, spend time with them and help them with their homework, simply unlook.

You are not on seat oh!

21. If he cheats on you, as a good Nigerian wife you should be like:

“Honey please I’m sorry that you cheated on me!”

22. When you see your wife smiling with another man.

Such betrayal!

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