We Definitely Hated Hearing These Things As Children

February 25, 2017

1. ‘Oya go and bring your books, lesson teacher is here’

2. “Is it me you are talking to like that? Go and break cane from the tree outside”

3. Anything that has to do with drinking agbo!

4. “Aunty Tolani that fed you akpu and banga when you were three is on the line from London, come and talk to her”

5. When the Channels movie you’ve been waiting for starts at 10, and that’s when your parents know they’ll tell you to go to bed

6. When you see your friends playing outside, but your parents put you on compulsory house arrest because they’re kidnapping children

7. When your siblings are sleeping and your parents start calling them, you already know you’re the automatic scape goat to do the work for them

Boyin Plumptre

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