The Complete Guide To Surviving The Fuel Price Increase In Nigeria

May 23, 2016

1. Cars are for suckers. Buy yourself a horse.

That’s one less thing that needs petrol.

2. Don’t go out.

If you won’t get a horse, then the next best thing is to stay permanently in your house. Because the truth is, there really isn’t anything important out there.

3. If your friends ask you to come and hang out, say no. Because fuel.

Fuel don cost.

4. If you’re in more than one relationship, now is the time to bring it down to one.

Maintenance costs have doubled.

5. Beware of the people that want to do you favors that require crossing Third Mainland bridge.

Do they mean you well?

6. When you’re driving and you encounter traffic. Get down and start walking.

But lock your car. You’re saving fuel.

7. It’s only been 5 years, but move in with the one partner you have left.

It’s efficient. And romantic.

8. Tell your partner: No more driving to fancy restaurants.

YES!

9. Stop spending money. Our forefathers survived on trade by barter.

We can, too.

10. You and the heat.

You should be one now.

11. Nigerian generator time used to be 7-10pm. Now it’s 8-10pm. Adjust accordingly.

Not even 10:01pm.

12. Whenever it rains, you already know not to put the gen on.

Use the breeze of God.

13. Quit any job that is more than 15 minutes away from your house.

Who needs a job?

14. Marry into a petrol wealth family…Alakija…Otedola.

It’s a by force thing oh!

15. Pray for Nigeria.

Fast. Pray. Light Candles. Say the Fatiha. Offer up Benediction. Dance. Do prayer of the faithful. Give sacrifices.

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