1. Never put the price of your product on your Instagram page.

Because you just want to stress your customers and make them “mystified” at the same time.

2. Instagram vendors and “add us on Whatsapp for price details”.

Because you’re probably scared of letting the world know that your product is overpriced.

3. Even if it’s just clothes you sell, put stylist and personal shopper in your bio so we know it’s real.

Even though you don’t know the meaning of those words.

4. Download other people’s pictures, write your name all over it (make it really ugly) and call it your own.

It’s not stealing, it’s borrowing for advertisement.

5. When people are actually interested in buying from you, delay them for three days before ‘getting back to them’.

You can’t appear too desperate to sell, they’re kuku the ones disturbing you.

6. Be rude to your customers when they dare ask questions about what they want to buy from you.

Customers don’t deserve any respect and your Instagram market has taken away your home training.

7. Never deliver on time to customers, wait for the 2nd coming of Jesus before giving them what they bought.

Because they don’t really need it.

8. Never apologise for delaying delivery.

Being rude is one thing you’re really good at.

9. If their wahala is too much, switch your phones off and block them on Instagram.

They’ll be alright jare.

10. All your products must be of lesser quality than you promised.

You’re full of surprises like that.

11. When people complain about the quality, ask them to check their surroundings.

The real thing you sold to them must have fallen off, you don’t sell “fake”. Featured image via: Instagram


Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.