Nigerian parents are a rare breed with unique ways of doing almost everything. But their approach to doing things sometimes is nothing short of infuriating. For example, they represent everyone you should avoid watching movies with. If you do, you need every ounce of self-control to keep yourself in check and keep your shit together. They don’t make it easy, and this list proves that:
They can’t decide on the right volume
If you are on a mission to find out the moments Nigerian parents are at their most indecisive, then you should consider watching a movie with them. The remote stays in their hand or within their reach and be sure that they will increase or reduce the volume numerous times before the movie end credits start to roll in.
They like to be the disruptive commentator
Nigerians are generally loud and don’t know when some decorum is needed in the room. Oddly enough, Nigerian parents like to preach about decorum, but all the lessons they’ve learned and the ones they like to teach goes out of the room when a movie comes on, especially if it’s one they are invested in. It is one thing to make occasional remarks, but they go way overboard; they narrate everything that happens in a scene, ask questions you can’t answer and predict what will happen in the next. It’s almost as though you’re not watching the same thing with them.
They react dramatically to every scene
If you think the commentary is the worst thing that could happen, wait until the movie hits a point of conflict. This is when their attachment hits the fore; you can’t miss it with the ways they clench their jaw, shout at an actor not to eat the food his evil step-mother had left for him, and sink into the seat resignedly when he does.
They hope an intimate scene comes on so they can ask you questions about your sex life
Nigerian parents are not ones to have the good ol’ sex talk with you. It doesn’t exist to them. But when something close to a sex scene comes on and you’re trying to figure out a way to deal with the awkwardness that comes with it, they start to tease you about your sex life. Friendly advice: it’s a trap, don’t fall for it.
They use the movie as an opportunity to give you a lecture
The metric Nigerian parents use to judge how good a movie is the ‘morals’ you can learn from it – they don’t really care about the acting, production, or believability of the story. Also, they don’t waste time to sit you down the second “To God be the glory” ushers in the closing montage and lecture you about what you should do and what you should not do as depicted in the movie; don’t have sex, don’t keep more than two friends, don’t stay out later than 6 pm, and stuff like that.