17 Things You’ll Relate With If You Just Moved To Abuja

August 18, 2016

1. When Abuja cabbies squeeze you inside their small cars with 100 other passengers.

Okay! Lagos Danfo is better than all this nonsense!

2. When you’re trying to impress a Mallam with your Hausa skills so he can sell well for you, but he knows you’re a fraud.

”You mean you no sfeak Hausa?!”

3. When Abuja girls have iPhone models that have not even been released yet.

These people can intimidate sha.

4. When you finally get a taste of Yahuza Suya.

Fire Suya!!

5. When you see fine Hausa boys coming and you spot one minister’s son.

” Sanuu fa!”

6. When they ‘forget’ to collect your number, so you have to go and give them like:

We can’t let fine big fish slip away like that.

7. Silverbird Mall on Sallah Day.

Abuja people only have one turn-up venue.

8. When you’re house hunting and you hear the price of a 1 bedroom apartment in Games Village.

700k!!! Issokay!!!

9. When you see small small boys using their fathers’ cars to race.

You want to kill yourselves for your parents?

10. When Abuja sun comes out to say hi.

Abuja sun is not from here abeg.

11. When Abuja cabs are feeling smart calling 1K from Wuse to Berger.

I’m from Lagos! You think I don’t have sense?

12. When you finish eating in Blu Cabana and you see the price list.

I have done myself today o!

13. How Abuja people look at you when it’s raining and you’re unfortunate enough to be ‘carless’.

Simple lift you cannot lift!

14. How you sleep in Abuja knowing you won’t experience Lagos traffic.

You can wake up 9 am and get to work by 8.30am!

15. When you visit one of your friend’s house in Minister’s Hill and you forget which entrance you kept your slippers.

These people have like 10 front doors!

16. When you’re driving your Camry Pencil and one small boy with AMG Coupe thinks he can overtake you.

Such rudeness!

17. When someone says you should come and hang in their house in Bwari.

Bwari ke!!! You think you’re living in Abuja?

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this


Now on Zikoko

December 3, 2020

Don’t let their cuteness deceive you; kids are crackheads. They’ll do the weirdest shit and then when you catch them, they’ll start acting like they’ve been framed. If you want to save yourself a lot of cleaning and embarrassment, keep these seven things away from your kids. 1. Powder Children see powder and immediately think […]

December 3, 2020

On Sunday, November 30th, 2020, many Nigerians woke up to the sad news that over 43 rice farmers in communities near Borno State, Nigeria, had been killed by Boko Haram insurgents. While the government has claimed that Boko Haram has been “technically defeated”, the group continues to carry out terrorist attacks, especially in the northeastern […]

Recommended Quizzes

November 28, 2019

There are so many talented and stunning Nollywood actors that make it hard not to fall in love with them. So, while we all know the likelihood of us ending up with any of them is super low, it’s still fun to imagine a world where we actually stood a chance, and that’s why this […]

October 10, 2019

2019 is certainly Burna Boy’s year, but, if we are being honest, so was 2018. Since his transcendent mixtape, Outside, the afro-fusion star has refused to get his foot of our necks — dropping a string of fantastic singles and then capping it all off with his career-best album, African Giant.  So, in a bid […]

how tall are you
March 11, 2020

Did your parents give you enough beans when you were growing up? If they did, then you’re probably around 6’0″ and above. Either way, we created a quiz that can guess your current height (pretty accurately, if we do say so ourselves). Take to see if we nailed it:

More from Oldies

February 12, 2020

Forget Tunji and Daniella, if you’re wondering who your best friend is, it’s most definitely the phone you’re either reading this from or the phone that’s somewhere within your vision; we know this because you’re definitely a phone addict that gets a little impatient when you’re too far away from your phone. Okay, let’s not […]

February 8, 2020

Yes, Valentine’s Day is almost here. Love notes, chocolates, hampers, and everything that comes with it. But while everyone is being hit by cupid’s arrow, there are some people who don’t even feel the hype. If you’re one of them, then grab a seat at this table. 1. You, when you hear that Valentine is […]

February 8, 2020

In case you have not realised it, Nigerians have a PhD in lying. Multiple PhDs, even. And there are some people who are professors in the art of lying, but we will keep that conversation for another day. Anyway, here is a list of common lies Nigerians tell. Don’t lie, we know you must told […]

February 8, 2020

Anyone who grew up in a Nigerian household understands that the Saturday routine does not change. It is the same yesterday, today and forever. If you are a true Nigerian, then you’ll understand these pictures and their connection to Saturday mornings. 1. Morning devotion by 6:00 AM. In which your parents can slap you for […]

February 8, 2020

Growing up, Saturdays used to be fun thanks to Cadbury Nigeria and Silverbird television. However, these days, as an adult, Saturdays are filled with unfinished work from the week before. If you are lucky, maybe a nice outing or mild to moderate fornication. Still, all these don’t fill the void the way cartoons used to […]


Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.
February 6, 2020
Who doesn't want to find love? In our bid to help, we paired up a bunch of single Nigerians, sending them on an all-expense paid date, and interviewing them before and after they met.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.