1. When Abuja cabbies squeeze you inside their small cars with 100 other passengers.

Okay! Lagos Danfo is better than all this nonsense!

2. When you’re trying to impress a Mallam with your Hausa skills so he can sell well for you, but he knows you’re a fraud.

”You mean you no sfeak Hausa?!”

3. When Abuja girls have iPhone models that have not even been released yet.

These people can intimidate sha.

4. When you finally get a taste of Yahuza Suya.

Fire Suya!!

5. When you see fine Hausa boys coming and you spot one minister’s son.

” Sanuu fa!”

6. When they ‘forget’ to collect your number, so you have to go and give them like:

We can’t let fine big fish slip away like that.

7. Silverbird Mall on Sallah Day.

Abuja people only have one turn-up venue.

8. When you’re house hunting and you hear the price of a 1 bedroom apartment in Games Village.

700k!!! Issokay!!!

9. When you see small small boys using their fathers’ cars to race.

You want to kill yourselves for your parents?

10. When Abuja sun comes out to say hi.

Abuja sun is not from here abeg.

11. When Abuja cabs are feeling smart calling 1K from Wuse to Berger.

I’m from Lagos! You think I don’t have sense?

12. When you finish eating in Blu Cabana and you see the price list.

I have done myself today o!

13. How Abuja people look at you when it’s raining and you’re unfortunate enough to be ‘carless’.

Simple lift you cannot lift!

14. How you sleep in Abuja knowing you won’t experience Lagos traffic.

You can wake up 9 am and get to work by 8.30am!

15. When you visit one of your friend’s house in Minister’s Hill and you forget which entrance you kept your slippers.

These people have like 10 front doors!

16. When you’re driving your Camry Pencil and one small boy with AMG Coupe thinks he can overtake you.

Such rudeness!

17. When someone says you should come and hang in their house in Bwari.

Bwari ke!!! You think you’re living in Abuja?


Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.