17 Things You’ll Relate With If You Just Moved To Abuja

August 18, 2016

1. When Abuja cabbies squeeze you inside their small cars with 100 other passengers.

Okay! Lagos Danfo is better than all this nonsense!

2. When you’re trying to impress a Mallam with your Hausa skills so he can sell well for you, but he knows you’re a fraud.

”You mean you no sfeak Hausa?!”

3. When Abuja girls have iPhone models that have not even been released yet.

These people can intimidate sha.

4. When you finally get a taste of Yahuza Suya.

Fire Suya!!

5. When you see fine Hausa boys coming and you spot one minister’s son.

” Sanuu fa!”

6. When they ‘forget’ to collect your number, so you have to go and give them like:

We can’t let fine big fish slip away like that.

7. Silverbird Mall on Sallah Day.

Abuja people only have one turn-up venue.

8. When you’re house hunting and you hear the price of a 1 bedroom apartment in Games Village.

700k!!! Issokay!!!

9. When you see small small boys using their fathers’ cars to race.

You want to kill yourselves for your parents?

10. When Abuja sun comes out to say hi.

Abuja sun is not from here abeg.

11. When Abuja cabs are feeling smart calling 1K from Wuse to Berger.

I’m from Lagos! You think I don’t have sense?

12. When you finish eating in Blu Cabana and you see the price list.

I have done myself today o!

13. How Abuja people look at you when it’s raining and you’re unfortunate enough to be ‘carless’.

Simple lift you cannot lift!

14. How you sleep in Abuja knowing you won’t experience Lagos traffic.

You can wake up 9 am and get to work by 8.30am!

15. When you visit one of your friend’s house in Minister’s Hill and you forget which entrance you kept your slippers.

These people have like 10 front doors!

16. When you’re driving your Camry Pencil and one small boy with AMG Coupe thinks he can overtake you.

Such rudeness!

17. When someone says you should come and hang in their house in Bwari.

Bwari ke!!! You think you’re living in Abuja?

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

Watch

Now on Zikoko

February 2, 2023

From Lagos to Atlanta, fans never stop comparing and pitting their faves against each other. Just like Rihanna can’t beat the Beyoncé comparisons 17 years into her awe-inspiring career, Davido still gets Wizkid comparisons daily despite just a year between their debut. Similarly, Seyi Shay was compared to Tiwa Savage when she came out with […]

Recommended Quizzes

October 10, 2019

2019 is certainly Burna Boy’s year, but, if we are being honest, so was 2018. Since his transcendent mixtape, Outside, the afro-fusion star has refused to get his foot of our necks — dropping a string of fantastic singles and then capping it all off with his career-best album, African Giant.  So, in a bid […]

November 30, 2019

With No Nut November FINALLY coming to an end, we’ve decided to mark the torturous month with some more horny content. After quizzes that guessed how many people you’ve slept with, how good you are in bed and who you’ll sleep with next, this one will guess when next you’ll get lucky. Take it to […]

November 14, 2019

The fourth season of Big Brother Naija came to an end over a month ago, but the conversation surrounding the housemates is far from over. So, in a bid to keep the fire burning, we decided to create a quiz that tells you which famous member of the ‘Pepper Dem’ gang is your soulmate. Take […]

More from Oldies

May 27, 2021

Children’s day, a day set apart for kids. Like they don’t win at life already? You’re not paying bills or rent and you have a day to celebrate yourself? Get me their manager, please. On days like this, we can’t help but remember how good we used to have it so we wrote this article […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

September 13, 2022
Vs The World is a Zikoko original video series that follows best friends Astor and Hassan as they take on the world.
August 23, 2022
Zikoko Ships is a Zikoko Original series where we invite two people who share a relationship to play the Zikoko card games
December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X