I’ll just start this by saying that if we’re friends in real life and you do any one of these things on Twitter, I’ve most likely muted you because you’re awful and looking at your timeline gives me a headache. Also, I quietly report your tweets in the hopes that Twitter eventually deletes your account.
Now, for today’s business.
1) Altering your name to look like this:
I hate to sound bougie (I don’t) but it’s not cute; it’s actually razz. Also, it’s super hard to read for people who don’t already know your name. Where do you think you are? Facebook in 2011? Stop it.
This is for the people (mostly guys) that open new Twitter accounts, take a picture of a random pretty girl, use it as their avi, and start masquerading around the TL pretending to be the pretty girl in the avi:
WHAT DO YOU HOPE TO ACHIEVE?
3) The people that go under every well-performing tweet and write this:
“Why? So I can enjoy your starving African kid memes and Davido Vs Wizkid hot takes? Thanks. I’ll pass.”
4) Hijacking trends topics to sell stuff (when your stuff has nothing to do with the thing trending).
I remember when some guy tweeted a trash hot take about the presidential election and implied at the end that it was the first in a thread.
This idiot began promoting his mixtape in the next tweet. There’s really no difference between shit like this and that one-time the entire Five Star Music record label faked Skiibii’s death for clout.
5) Using religion to guilt-trip people into retweeting you.
The most common one is “Retweet if God has been good to you this month. Reply with ‘Amen’ for even more blessings.”
Just say you want attention and go.
6) Using other people’s pain and misery to thank God for how good you have it.
7) This shit:
One would think that with Twitter’s Muted Words feature, it would be easy to avoid this. But the people who tweet these things found a way around muting by intentionally misspelling them, leading to variations like this:
Unintentional comedy aside, STOP IT.