How To Be A Nigerian Twitter Influencer

December 5, 2018

Influencer marketing in Nigeria is kind of a mess nowadays (especially on Twitter) because everybody wants to be an influencer. They probably heard that it’s easy money and were like:

While their foreign counterparts do the work by building loyal fan bases, doing research, and driving meaningful conversations around the brands they’re paid to promote, our brethren here do the barest minimum. I’m here today to give you a tutorial on what to do if you’ve decided to go down the dark path of being a Nigerian Twitter influencer who obviously doesn’t know the first thing about it.

1) Start with super terrible jokes.

Just be sure to make it relatable and end it with an Odunlade meme or a picture of a malnourished black child laughing that has nothing to do with the joke itself.

2) Think up bizarre scenarios for the timeline to drive engagement.

People will call you out on your bullshit but ignore them because that sweet-sweet engagement is all you need.

3) Make pointless comparisons to drive engagement.

You have the option of making it a Twitter poll but don’t because then the post wouldn’t reek of desperation. Start with the line “Let’s settle this once and for all” and then follow it with a comparison between two things NO ONE IN THE HISTORY OF EVER has thought were in competition. Someone has to ask the hard questions and that person is you.

4) Have an opinion about everything being discussed on the timeline. (Especially things you know nothing about.)

No matter the topic, make sure you show up out of nowhere to give your hot take absolutely no one asked for. Politics? Mental health? Witchcraft? Be there for all of it.

5) Constantly offend marginalized groups to gain clout.

Sure, you’ll get dragged all over the timeline but all that exposure will be worth it in the end. Plus, the faction of Twitter that secretly agrees with your offensive views will retweet, follow, and then write in the replies, “They’re coming for you oh. lol” Whoever said “there’s no such thing as bad publicity” wasn’t wrong.

6) Start games that seem like harmless fun but also look suspiciously like ways to mine for people’s private information.

Someone once said these “influencers” are slowly gathering all our info to do something shady with it and I honestly won’t be shocked if that happens.

7) Ask weirdly personal and destabilizing questions from time to time.

I was scrolling through the timeline last week when I came across an influencer’s tweet that said: “What are you doing with your life?” and I was suddenly thrown head-first into an existential crisis. Feelings like this are the kind you want to elicit.

To the real Nigerian Twitter influencers out there that actually sabi the work, we see and respect you.

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