Eid-el Kabir

August 10, 2019

“Sometimes, I think God is punishing me for something I did, which makes no sense because I’m a freaking ram. I don’t see what horrible thing I could’ve done to be cursed with self-awareness.”

“Well, maybe that one time I hit a handler in the crotch with my horns. He was being a douche (i.e. physically aggressive for no reason) so he kinda deserved it.”

I’ve tried warning the others about what’s coming but either they don’t understand me or they’ve chosen not to listen. In the past few days, our brothers have been carted off one by one. And even though, we can all see them being tied up and forced into the boots of cars, my dumb ass brethren STILL believe the “chosen ones” are being taken somewhere better to become pets. I feel like I’m stuck in that Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson movie from 2005 named The Island. Or that one scene from Animal Farm where Boxer the horse is clearly being taken away in a Knacker’s van to be killed (because he’s injured and now considered a liability by the pigs) but they lie to everyone that he’s going to the hospital.

I shouldn’t even know what movies are.

I know what really happens when one of us leaves. They’re taken to a house and fattened up in preparation for the Muslim holiday, Eid-el Kabir, during which they are eventually sacrificially murdered and eaten. (Something about honouring Abraham’s willingness to sacrifice his son.) The only reason I haven’t been bought yet is because of my less than desirable look. You see, the humans want fat rams and I’ve been on a hunger strike, which means that I currently look like those models who, in an attempt to stay skinny, only eat cotton balls dipped in juice.

WHY do I know this?

Apart from being fucking horrifying, the sacrificial process is super gross. The humans hire a butcher (i.e animal hitman) who shows up with his assortment of knives. By this point, the ram knows what’s up and is freaking out like crazy so the butcher ties its legs to avoid being accidentally kicked in the nuts. The butcher then slits the ram’s throat, leading to blood being spewed everywhere while its body jerks about. When all the blood has been drained, the butcher blows air into the ram’s corpse through a hole cut in one of the legs. This makes it easy for him to shave the ram’s wool off.

The ram’s corpse is then disembowelled and cut into pieces to make cooking easier.

I honestly don’t know how I know this.


I don’t know what this says about me but all this cooking talk is making me super hungry. It’s been days since I ate anything and I’m so tired, I can barely move. So what’s the point? What’s the point of anything when none of my kind can understand me.

I just realized that the only choices I have are:

  • Death from sacrificial murder.
  • Death from starvation.

Excuse me while I go get some food.

Click here to read other stories in the NIGERIAN HORROR STORY series.

You'll like this

Astor George

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.


Now on Zikoko

September 28, 2020

If you have done any of these things on this list, then congratulations, you are a gold digger. 1) Refuse to split the bill when you go out How dare you refuse to spilt the bills on a date you were asked on? Gold digger… 2) Do not date the underdog So you have chosen […]

Recommended Quizzes

November 20, 2019

Last month, we thoughtfully made a quiz telling you guys exactly when you’ll marry, but some of you claimed that your spouse was nowhere to be found. Well, now we’ve created one that’ll tell you exactly who you’ll be dragging down that aisle. Take and start planning that wedding:

November 11, 2019

Everyone has something to say about what kind of person they are. But how well do we truthfully evaluate these things? Not that much, I can assure you. The average person is always lying to themselves to make sure they look good. But you know what and who doesn’t lie? Zikoko quizzes that’s what. Take […]

December 3, 2019

Are you a professional Yoruba demon? Are you walking around in search of whose life you can wreck at any given time? Well, this quiz knows exactly how many hearts you’ve shattered to date, and before you lie that your result is inaccurate, just remember that Zikoko is never wrong. Now, take it and be […]

More from Nigerian Horror Story


Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.
February 6, 2020
Who doesn't want to find love? In our bid to help, we paired up a bunch of single Nigerians, sending them on an all-expense paid date, and interviewing them before and after they met.
January 27, 2020
Nigerians Talk is what happened when a motley crew of young Nigerians were put in front of a camera and asked a bunch of apparently random questions about life, love, money and more.
September 24, 2019
A group of Zikoko staff go on a road trip to every mainland country in ECOWAS West Africa

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.