How To Be The ‘Perfect’ Nigerian Wife

June 10, 2016
SATIRE! SATIRE!! SATIRE!!! Please and thank you.

1. Thank him everyday for ‘saving’ you from the clutches of spinsterhood.

You know marriage is EVERY woman’s goal.

2. Marry as a virgin, but be a freak in the sheets on your wedding night.

Just instinctively know how to do everything in the bedroom.

3. Remember to never ask questions, challenge him or disagree.

He is always right. Just leave it.

4. Lose that pregnancy weight right there on the delivery table.

Back to a size 8 immediately.

5. Never fall sick, complain or get tired.

Basically be superwoman.

6. Have a washing machine, but still lovingly handwash his underwear.

That’s true love right there.

7. Always wake up before him so you can do “one or two things” around the house.

Why should your husband wake up before you?

8. Get a well-paying job but make sure you never earn more than him.

If they offer you a pay raise, turn it down.

9. Make sure that job doesn’t stop you from taking the kids to school, picking them, and helping with their homework.

So, basically a 10 – 2 job. Don’t ask questions just find it.

10. Never cheat on your husband, but forgive him if he ever ‘accidentally’ cheats on you.

You know men will be men.

11. Also remember to apologize when he cheats, because it was most likely your fault.

If you were being the perfect wife he wouldn’t have fallen inside another woman. Oya say sorry.

12. Figure out how to always have a hot meal waiting on the table before you get home.

Just figure it out.

13. Throw away that microwave, the food must always be freshly made.

What are you warming?

14. Remember to always praise your husband whenever he does anything around the house.

Remember it’s your work, he is just helping.

15. Look like a supermodel while doing house chores.

Don’t ever tie a wrapper in front of him.  Do everything in heels.

16. But never be indecently dressed in public or else:

You know the drill.

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