17 Things Nigerian Parents Will Blame On Lack Of Home Training

April 25, 2016

1. When they have to ask “have you seen me today?” before you greet them.

It’s not their concern that you really hadn’t seen them.

2. When they see someone that is left handed.

How dare you be born that way?

3. When you have more than one colour in your hair.

Ah! You want to go and do prostitution.

4. When you wear a dress that is exposing your shoulder blades and ankles.

Better go and wear that turtleneck.

5. When they see a girl with more than one piercing and a boy that has any at all.

You sef, why are you chooking holes in your body?

6. When they hear that you were talking to someone of the opposite sex.

You better be ready to marry them.

7. When your curfew is 9:00 and you get in by 9:01.

You should have slept there na, since you can’t keep to time.

8. When you lend them money and ask for it back.

All the school fees they paid for you, did they collect it back? Better shift.

9. When they are talking to you and you are keeping quiet.

So, you can’t talk abi?

10. When they are talking to you and you are talking too.

So, you can’t keep quiet abi?

11. When you don’t greet all the 15 adults in a room individually.

You cannot prostrate 15 times?

12. When you don’t add “ma” or “sir” to the end of every word.

“yes ma, yes ma, yes” “Is it me you are saying yes too???”

13. When a sex scene comes on and your eyes are still open.

You want to learn so you can go and practice abi?

14. When they make a mistake and you correct them.

It’s like you’re mad.

15. When they want to slap you and you dodge it.

Fight them na.

16. When you eat your meat before touching your rice.

You need slap.

17. When you wear your trouser lower than this:

Be there sagging like a criminal.

You'll like this

March 24, 2020

“There is no knowledge that is wasted – Mortal Kombat.” We live in strange times and we need strange measures. This is the regime of handwashing with soap and clean water and in the absence of that, the use of hand sanitizers. Amidst, all of the Covid-19 panic, I went to the pharmacy to stock […]

Avatar

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

Watch

Now on Zikoko

Recommended Quizzes

October 30, 2019

2010 was a game-changing one for Nollywood, with our movies making serious cash and getting international acclaim. So, which of these hits released between 2010 and 2019 — from the pace-setting The Wedding Party to the divisive Trip To Jamaica — best suits your personality? Well, that’s what this quiz is here to answer:

November 19, 2019

Regardless of what society has tried to tell us, enjoying sex is not something to be ashamed of. So, in a bid to celebrate our generation’s sexual agency, we’ve created a quiz that will accurately (again, keep your complaints to yourself) infer how many people you’ve spelt with. Try it out:

how tall are you
March 11, 2020

Did your parents give you enough beans when you were growing up? If they did, then you’re probably around 6’0″ and above. Either way, we created a quiz that can guess your current height (pretty accurately, if we do say so ourselves). Take to see if we nailed it:

how much of an ajebutter
February 12, 2020

Are you an ajebutter or not? Well, if you’ve gone through life blissfully unaware of its harshness, then you probably are. Now, we want to know just how high you rank on that ajebutter scale, using your food preferences as a (very accurate) measure. Take to find out:

October 14, 2019

Pete Edochie, Patience Ozokwor, Chinwetalu Agu, and Segun Arinze are some of the best villains Nollywood have gifted us. These actors mastered the art of playing the bad guys that it would be hella weird if they played anything else. Now, you might just be the one fit to fill their shoes and continue where […]

October 29, 2019

We are going to be attempting to guess when you’ll marry based on your favourite Nigerian foods. What does your fave swallow have to do with when you’ll tie the knot? Please, don’t ask complicated questions. This quiz is rigorous and accurate (don’t quote us), so just take it already.

More from List

February 12, 2020

Forget Tunji and Daniella, if you’re wondering who your best friend is, it’s most definitely the phone you’re either reading this from or the phone that’s somewhere within your vision; we know this because you’re definitely a phone addict that gets a little impatient when you’re too far away from your phone. Okay, let’s not […]

February 8, 2020

Yes, Valentine’s Day is almost here. Love notes, chocolates, hampers, and everything that comes with it. But while everyone is being hit by cupid’s arrow, there are some people who don’t even feel the hype. If you’re one of them, then grab a seat at this table. 1. You, when you hear that Valentine is […]

February 8, 2020

In case you have not realised it, Nigerians have a PhD in lying. Multiple PhDs, even. And there are some people who are professors in the art of lying, but we will keep that conversation for another day. Anyway, here is a list of common lies Nigerians tell. Don’t lie, we know you must told […]

February 8, 2020

Anyone who grew up in a Nigerian household understands that the Saturday routine does not change. It is the same yesterday, today and forever. If you are a true Nigerian, then you’ll understand these pictures and their connection to Saturday mornings. 1. Morning devotion by 6:00 AM. In which your parents can slap you for […]

February 8, 2020

Growing up, Saturdays used to be fun thanks to Cadbury Nigeria and Silverbird television. However, these days, as an adult, Saturdays are filled with unfinished work from the week before. If you are lucky, maybe a nice outing or mild to moderate fornication. Still, all these don’t fill the void the way cartoons used to […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.
February 6, 2020
Who doesn't want to find love? In our bid to help, we paired up a bunch of single Nigerians, sending them on an all-expense paid date, and interviewing them before and after they met.
January 27, 2020
Nigerians Talk is what happened when a motley crew of young Nigerians were put in front of a camera and asked a bunch of apparently random questions about life, love, money and more.
September 24, 2019
A group of Zikoko staff go on a road trip to every mainland country in ECOWAS West Africa

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X