7 Lies That Nigerian Telcos Have Sold Us

October 30, 2019

Services in Nigeria are designed to frustrate you, from the banking to the transportation services and even the telecommunications services.

Where do I even start from? Is it the drop calls, or the numerous unsolicited messages that pop up at that time you’re waiting for a bank alert? What of the shenanigans of slow and retarded network that can only function at a particular spot in your house even though a mast is so nearby?

There’s so much to complain about but here are seven things that top the list:

1) How data is supposed to last for a month-but doesn’t

This is the king of all lies that we’ve been sold. No matter the data bundle you buy, on whatever network, it is just never enough. If you buy monthly data, prepare yourself for a resubscription within two weeks. Yeah, I don’t know how they do it too.

So baffled

2) The promo’s that we are not sure anyone actually wins

So, you hear that someone will be rewarded with a car, house, a trip to Dubai and more, if they are loyal customers. But, do people actually win those things? Forget those photo ops we see abeg, I won’t believe it until I win a prize myself.

3) The extra credit/data that is supposed to last a week (or more) but disappears the first time you use it

These bonuses by Nigerian telcos have mastered the vanishing act. You will receive a message that you’ve been gifted with extra talk time or data for a few weeks, only to have it go to zero balance the first time you use it.

Well, I wasn’t expecting anything, so it’s all good.

4) How they tell you its your fault that something went wrong with network

Remember those drop calls I mentioned? Yeah, this and text messages that remain unsent for days are some of the reasons people call customer care, only for them to hear; “But everything is alright from our end. Are you sure you hit send?”

5) How they make you buy airtime/data multiple times because of “network failure”

Somehow, this happens when you want to recharge through your bank app. If it didn’t work the first time, please don’t do it again. At least wait for 24 hours before you attempt to recharge again, this will give you peace of mind.

6) Customer care agents who leave you hanging with a promise to resolve complaints by calling/texting you back within a day

This is a lie from the pit of hell. They will not call you. I repeat, they will not call you. In fact, you will be cut off while you are speaking with one and then the other agent you dialed within seconds of blind rage will do the same thing. Until you give up and break your SIM card.

7) How each telco promises to be better than the other

They deceived you to port over to their services until you realize you just roped yourself into something much worse. There’s no good anywhere, just manage your bad network like that because they are all the same.

You'll like this

Avatar

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

Watch

Now on Zikoko

Recommended Quizzes

November 4, 2019

After successfully predicting when y’all are getting married (please, email any complaints to noneofourbusiness@nayousabi.com), we are back to tell you how much is currently in your account. How, you might ask? By using your taste in Nollywood, of course. Shhh. No questions. Just take it already:

November 7, 2019

These days, everyone is always talking about how much sex they’re getting, or how little sex they’re getting, or how disgusting sex is etc. There’s just so much talk about sex, it’s almost impossible to know who’s lying and who’s telling the truth. In anticipation of our new series about the sex lives of young […]

November 25, 2019

Last week, we guessed how many people you’d slept with, and y’all were out here denying the truth. Anyway, we won’t hold that against you. This time, however, we’ve created a quiz that predicts who you’ll sleep with next — so you can either prepare or try (unsuccessfully) to prevent it. So, take and see:

What are you like in a relationship?
February 7, 2020

Your taste in music can say a lot about you, and this time, it’s going to reveal what you are like in a relationship. So, pick a few of your favourite Nigerian love songs, and we’ll let you know if you’re typically a distant, passionate or unbothered partner. Here you go:

More from List

February 12, 2020

Forget Tunji and Daniella, if you’re wondering who your best friend is, it’s most definitely the phone you’re either reading this from or the phone that’s somewhere within your vision; we know this because you’re definitely a phone addict that gets a little impatient when you’re too far away from your phone. Okay, let’s not […]

February 8, 2020

Yes, Valentine’s Day is almost here. Love notes, chocolates, hampers, and everything that comes with it. But while everyone is being hit by cupid’s arrow, there are some people who don’t even feel the hype. If you’re one of them, then grab a seat at this table. 1. You, when you hear that Valentine is […]

February 8, 2020

In case you have not realised it, Nigerians have a PhD in lying. Multiple PhDs, even. And there are some people who are professors in the art of lying, but we will keep that conversation for another day. Anyway, here is a list of common lies Nigerians tell. Don’t lie, we know you must told […]

February 8, 2020

Anyone who grew up in a Nigerian household understands that the Saturday routine does not change. It is the same yesterday, today and forever. If you are a true Nigerian, then you’ll understand these pictures and their connection to Saturday mornings. 1. Morning devotion by 6:00 AM. In which your parents can slap you for […]

February 8, 2020

Growing up, Saturdays used to be fun thanks to Cadbury Nigeria and Silverbird television. However, these days, as an adult, Saturdays are filled with unfinished work from the week before. If you are lucky, maybe a nice outing or mild to moderate fornication. Still, all these don’t fill the void the way cartoons used to […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.
February 6, 2020
Who doesn't want to find love? In our bid to help, we paired up a bunch of single Nigerians, sending them on an all-expense paid date, and interviewing them before and after they met.
January 27, 2020
Nigerians Talk is what happened when a motley crew of young Nigerians were put in front of a camera and asked a bunch of apparently random questions about life, love, money and more.
September 24, 2019
A group of Zikoko staff go on a road trip to every mainland country in ECOWAS West Africa
May 5, 2020
For the second season, we put an even more diverse motley crew of young Nigerians in front of a camera and asked them random questions about love, school experiences and more.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.