Zikoko: Thank you for agreeing to sit with us today
LaCasera: My pleasure.
Zikoko: So, where’ve you both been? What have you been up to?
LaCasera: Well, as you can see, I got a new look.
Gala: Same here.
LaCasera: [chuckles] Sorry for the laugh.
Gala: What’s funny?
LaCasera: Nothing. It’s just the way you said “new look”…
Gala: But I did get a new look.
[turns to Zikoko]
Look at me. Don’t I look different?
Zikoko: I mean, technically, you do
Gala: But?
Zikoko: But nothing, nothing at all
Gala: So there’s nothing technical about it then. This is a new and improved version.
LaCasera: Are you delusional?
Gala: Excuse you?
LaCasera: Look, I love you. I do.
Gala: [scoffs]
LaCasera: Which is why I’m telling you this for the 500th time. There’s nothing improved or new about this look.
Gala: I…
LaCasera: Also, the fact that you now come in different sizes doesn’t make you new or improved.
Gala: You come in different sizes too.
LaCasera: And a new shape, and people actually fuck with that.
Gala: You’re just jealous because you can’t seem to figure out what new flavour to come in.
[turns to Zikoko]
See, I have a goat meat flavour now.
LaCasera: Yeah, one that no one gives a shit about.
Gala: What the fuck is wrong with you?
LaCasera: That’s actually a question for you. Since, I got this better look, you’ve been shitting on me.
Gala: Me?
LaCasera: You can’t seem to understand why everyone now prefers me to you.
Zikoko: Actually, they like you both equally
Gala: Who asked you?
LaCasera: Relax, they’re just being nice to you. No one actually fucks with you since you started giving them a sprinkle of sausage in a handful of dough
Gala: They’re getting their money’s worth.
LaCasera: For ₦150/₦200? You’re robbing them in broad daylight, bestie.
Zikoko: LaCasera’s right.
LaCasera: Please, call me Sera.
Gala:
Zikoko: Okay, what’s this about? You used to be best friends. We even thought you guys were dating at some point.
LaCasera: Me and this jealous short man? The heavens forbid. After all I’ve done for them, Lagos and traffic won’t let me fall into such.
Gala: You’re acting like I’ve ever wanted anything to do with you in the first place.
Zikoko: How did you get to this?
LaCasera: Buhari. He just became president, and everyone had to cut costs. We couldn’t live the way we used to. So I told this one we had to adjust; adapt or die. As you can see, he isn’t the best at adapting.
Gala: But I’m still alive.
LaCasera: Barely. You’ve made so many versions of yourself, you don’t even know who you are anymore.
Gala: I’m a sausage roll.
LaCasera: There’s barely any sausage in your roll!
Zikoko: What of the campaign you guys did together? “Let love rule,” and all of that
LaCasera: I have representation. They planned it.
Gala: Also, that was a long time ago. I wouldn’t do that today even if they paid me a million dollars.
LaCasera: LOL. You’d do it if they paid you ₦250.
