Listen up, guys! It’s about to be that time of the year again. When all the red and whites, plus the ghost of St.Valentine, put your mercury in Lucozade and you get very bad ideas to do very bad things on Valentine’s Day.
Because we care about you and there are only so many times one person should get their hearts broken, here’s a quick little guide on everything to avoid this Valentine’s Day:
1. Calling that ex.
You did it last month. You flashed her last week and you’ve been looking to see when she’ll be online on WhatsApp ever since. Plis stop. Miracle probably won’t happen on Valentine’s Day call MTN customer care if you’re feeling lonely.
2. Wearing red and white.
And not killing it.
Look, we want MET gala, we want Oscars Red Carpet, AMVCA if you can manage it. Go hard or go home.
3. Drunk texting.
Read number 1 again. Dun do it Jackie.
4. Don’t go broke in the name in the name of love.
If your bobo has been tweeting how he wants a PS 4 for Valentine’s and your money doesn’t is only long enough for brick game; let your account balance dictate the tune. Don’t let your story be one of had thy know.
5. Don’t get too drunk when you’re out drinking alone with no one to love.
Na single you single, you no kill pesin.
6. If you’re in Lagos and you haven’t already started heading to the restaurant you want to go to for Valentine’s Day, you are wrong.
You know how the traffic is. Oya, wear your suit and start walking there, you know there are no bikes.
7. One major thing you absolutely shouldn’t do is miss out on the Zikoko Blind Date.
The show drops on February 14th, 2020. Here’s a quick trailer.