The Hilarious Story Of Jollof Rice’s Love Life

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July 15, 2016
So many things keep people up at night, like why Jollof Rice feels incomplete without chicken. Or how Pizza is just bread and stew that studied abroad. Anyway sha, Twitter user, @Kristin_obute was kind enough to tell the hilarious story of Jollof Rice’s love life and how Fried Rice joined the cool kids of Nigerian food.

If i was Jollof rice i would be curving bare guys in the food chain uno ??

— Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

New DM from Yam: want to hang out?

Jollof: Nigga please where do you see people having Yam with Jollof ??? — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Be out there dating one fine laiiskeen plantain doing twitter couple ??

— Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Moi moi would be that nigga that wants to date me but he’s 5’4 so we besties ?

— Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Fried rice is that friend that knows she’s prettier than me but doesn’t understand the hype around me..lowkey likes plantain…

— Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

I would be turning up in all the big parties n events..niggas know its goan be live if I’m there..but i dont club cos good girl uno

— Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Coleslaw/Salad giving me by the side uno..all that cream..making me glow lowkey… my account balance popping too cos they loaded ?

— Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Eba would be awon haters..always at parties with me but most people pick me first..think i want their man..but Jollof n Egusi..ewww please??

— Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Friends with Agidi cos she dating my bestie Moi moi..Eba n her Amala crew hating on us cos Agidi is IJGB of Swallow Squad..

— Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

They lowkey think we tweet bout them but?? its just RTs from FatTwitter Slander uno ?

— Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Fried rice claims she’s my besties..always photobombing my selfies.. post on IG #Besties#MixedRice but still gossips to White rice bout me?

— Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

White rice doesn’t like anyone of us but somehow gets involved in all our drama…she’s the keep me anon that tells SDM bout our gist??

— Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Now everyone knows Plantain gave Fried Rice at Socialiga and Salad paid for my Tw.wig tab??? Eba n co have alot to tweet..Moi moi in my dms?

— Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Moi moi talmbout gimme a chance.. but he’s 5’4 and I’m Jollof… plus Agidi is my guy..so I’m posting snaps with him but curving his ass??

— Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Plantain replying my snaps like “Wyd thought y’all just friends” “it was just once uno” “i dont even like that bitch” “u aint all that uno”

— Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Yam dropping subs like “date a good man” like fam aint nobody want your rachy ass.. Beans said shes been itchy since yall dated..check ursef

— Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Beans in my dms like “sorry babe” but i know shes tryna find out if i would go with her ex Yam..likes his dumbass even if he gave her STI ??

— Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

I dont know why shes hanging with dead guys uno she could be with a guy like Plantain but she doesnt think shes that buff..and hes proud AF

— Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Akara is just Faving n laughing…Anon Twitter… everyone knows you are giving Pap yo.. but forming long distance with Custard but ?☕

— Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Custard is sending you all those pretty shoes and bags you use as your Avi… we really dont care uno.. keep my name outta ur tweets??

— Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Moi moi DMs (been a while spoke): sorry about my sister (Akara) me: Don curr

Moi moi: ur ex just left..i think he’s dating Beans but lowks — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

I saw that shii coming uno..but I’m petty so i send “Hey Big Head” to Plantain just to Fuvk shit up a bit….

Plantain: You alright babe? — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

*Airs Dm*

Tweets:Weekend Goan be live with my goons *puts old picture of me and beans* we aint even that close..but i know he would see it? — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Beans replies: “Yass gurll turn up”

Me thinking Fam I’m setting ur ass up.. Tweets: ?? *4 missed call* Plantain Text: U coming Sat?.. P. — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Replies Plantain: Not sure..you?

Plantain: Yeah.. we should talk Airs text.. stress *Ice retweeted your tweet* — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Ice Dms:Coming Sat? goan be live..Cookies bringing some dope shii..bring ur girls..Free drinks for y’all, help me RT my Pinned tweet

Me:Aii — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Small Chops: Sat? Who’s coming?

Beef: Yayy *shares tweet with gizzard* That babe on ur mans TL yo Gizzard: fucking hoe kmt *Gizzard faves* — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Gizzard shares screenshot*

Small chops: why u faving tweets tho Gizzard: you know why Small chops: nothing happened Group chat: Me:☕ Egg:? — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Pizza: thats what they all say next thing they are giving your bestfriend in Socialiga

Egg:??????? Me: still sore fam???? — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Gizzard: Savage ?Dead???

Pizza: btw he’s dating ur short bestfriends ugly sister..deadass hiding her ugly ass Me:?????? be nice Egg: dying?? — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Pizza: Egg might be dying cos Yam probabaly gave her some shii uno☕?

Me: Wow ? Gizzard:???? *Egg has left the group chat* Me: oh shit? — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

BBM*

Me:Babe howfar? It was a joke na Egg: i really like him Me: we know..Pizza has bad mouth free her jo Egg:only talk to her cos of you — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

*Jollof Added Egg to Group Chat*

Me: Ice said i should invite you guys for Saturday Pizza: Ice? The one dating that babe with fake accent? — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Egg: Oshey IJGB..i ‘ve the real init accent

Pizza: ode? Me:its not fake jo Gizzard: Abeg she’s always trying to copy Coke jor..Fake famzer — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Me: but Coke n ice tho??

Pizza: Cookkeee n icceeee?? Egg: those two? Gizzard:they are bestfriends Me:?? Egg:free that side?? — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Gizzard: Wait?! They are not just bestfriends

Me: guyy? Pizza: Like you and plantain that year? Egg:????? Gizzard:Fuck you guys..??? — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Me:lowks Coke n Ice ?

Pizza: Coke n Ice is fucking dope yo!..they need to be a serious thing? Egg: Pizza check Icecreams snap? Pizza: Why? — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Pizza:GUYYSSS Icecreams in Lag n he got a job in my office..hohoho???

Me:Wait Dominos? Pizza:No Coldstone Egg:Yooooo ??? Gizzard:?????? — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Pizza:Rarrr I’ve a new topping and it aint cheese??

Me: you are disgusting??? Egg:Sav?? Gizzard: Creamy cheese? Me: Guys?? Pizza: Uno?? — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Me:Remember that guy i used to collect from when i was with Plantain

Egg: the rich guy Pizza:Salad abi Coleslaw whats that his name? Me: ?? — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Gizzard: ehen what happened?

Me: he’s with Fish now? Pizza:wasnt she dating that IJGB Chips Egg:?? Me:uno Gizzard:that babe stinks yo bleh — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Egg:so Chips is Singu?

Me: Stop Gizzard:i thought you and yam…? Pizza:Hoee!! Go gurlll? Me:Guys..Chicken just Dmed me? Pizza:?? Egg: Oho? — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Pizza: You guyyss go to Twitter Plaintain n Beans Engaged..Fried Rice Called Beans black and Ugly?

Me:oh shit???? — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Twitter

Jollof: Black and Ugly but she got the ring uno☕ Amala: lmaoo cc @ Fried rice Fried rice: Nobody called ur black round self here FOH — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Akara: Hoes everywhere? smelling TL bleh

Custard: Catfish too is talking Bread: @ custard guy delete that Custard: cos you fuvking her now? — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Ewa G: @ bread @ Custard Oh?!

Bread: i just think its disrespectful to disrespect women EwaG: Are you fuking her or not?@ bread Me: cc @ egg — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Egg: Somebody that can sleep with anything that moves??

Bread: But you slept with someone’s fiance? Potato: @ plantain Eba: ??? Beans: huh? — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Asun: Big Endorsement coming through?

Pohnmo: Guyyy GOAT?? Bole: Epp?? Suya: New single with Asun we move? White Rice?? Asun: Basic bitches — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Coke: Fall in love with your bestfriend

Pizza: you go girl Coke: lool what? Gizzard:??? *Ice Faved tweet* Malibu: @ coke Word? Me:?? — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Snail: the night is dark..thats how stars are made in your darkest moments

Agidi: this one is always high.. Moi moi: Slow?? guyy show na — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Jollof: ? Wedding fleek with bae @ Chicken

Chicken:?? Fried Rice: Damn Gurll what seasoning did you use Jollof: Knorr Cubes Egg: Goals?? — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Semovita:they will steal this ones new bae again?☕

Jollof:i think people make mistakes like your brows u need 2 let it go like your weight? — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Pizza: gurll??

Egg: Chill are we friends with Fried rice again Gizzard: i think so Me: i miss her? Pizza:Yass *Fried rice added 2 groupchat* — Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

*The End*

— Small Lee❤ (@Kristine_Obute) July 14, 2016

Shout out to @Kristine_obute. You’re officially crazier than all of us at Zikoko.

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