8 Ways To Avoid Trouble with SARS Officials

June 13, 2018

You know SARS right? These guys?

The Special Anti Robbery Squad.

Their job is to protect Nigerians, you know, keep us safe. But it turns out we have to protect ourselves from them these days.

This is a step by step guide on how you can stay out of their trouble and  keep yourself safe .

Step 1: If you aren’t bald yet, go and cut your hair.

I repeat go to the nearest barber and chop it off!

Step 2: Pick up your phone, Grab a hammer, now smash it! Don’t stop, keep smashing it.

So when SARS says “Come on bring your phone” you can confidently say “sorry oga I don’t have”

Step 3: This might be the hardest thing to do, but you should take my advice and destroy your car as well. Or at least give it to someone you don’t care about.

If you don’t have a car and you take the bus, your chances of getting stopped are lower.

Step 4: If you wear shirts, ripped jeans, sunglasses or even skirts, please do not wear it out.

You see, they can’t say search you or say you’re dressed like a ‘yahoo boy or girl’ if you aren’t dressed at all.

Step 5: If you carry bags, please leave them at home. Do I still have to explain why?

When SARS asks you to bring your bag you can easily say “Sir I have nothing, I don’t even have a bag sir please sir.”

Step 6: Just pray to God they don’t ask for your ID card.

Because if your hair is mistakenly a bit full in that picture, well, God help you.

Step 7: You need to develop a love for staying at home. Sit down in your house.

Oya SARS come and meet me in my house.

Step 8: If you have to go out, do what you have to do and leave. Just say your hello and go.

Please do not be out for more than 30 mins before you go back into hiding.

Finally, if you happen to follow all these precautions and they still stop you

Just be saying “thank you for stopping me sir, I appreciate” but don’t forget to keep praying to God in your heart while you’re at it.

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

Watch

Now on Zikoko

Recommended Quizzes

December 11, 2019

In the past month, we’ve made quizzes that guessed the last time you had sex, how many people you’ve slept with, and just how good you are in bed. For our latest attempt, we will use your taste in Nigerian music from the 2010s to ascertain what you’re like in bed. Take to find out:

November 19, 2019

Regardless of what society has tried to tell us, enjoying sex is not something to be ashamed of. So, in a bid to celebrate our generation’s sexual agency, we’ve created a quiz that will accurately (again, keep your complaints to yourself) infer how many people you’ve spelt with. Try it out: 11 Quizzes For The […]

October 30, 2019

2010 was a game-changing one for Nollywood, with our movies making serious cash and getting international acclaim. So, which of these hits released between 2010 and 2019 — from the pace-setting The Wedding Party to the divisive Trip To Jamaica — best suits your personality? Well, that’s what this quiz is here to answer:

October 29, 2019

We are going to be attempting to guess when you’ll marry based on your favourite Nigerian foods. What does your fave swallow have to do with when you’ll tie the knot? Please, don’t ask complicated questions. This quiz is rigorous and accurate (don’t quote us), so just take it already. QUIZ: Why Do You Have […]

November 14, 2019

The fourth season of Big Brother Naija came to an end over a month ago, but the conversation surrounding the housemates is far from over. So, in a bid to keep the fire burning, we decided to create a quiz that tells you which famous member of the ‘Pepper Dem’ gang is your soulmate. Take […]

More from Gist

April 20, 2021

Feel like you’ve run out of interesting places to hangout or visit? We’ve got you. Iba Ajie is a new spot we highly recommend if you are looking to explore places in the Eastern part of Nigeria. If you’re wondering what makes this spot special, here are 5 reasons. 1. There is a Chophouse Yes, […]

August 11, 2020

Remember the Nigerian boy who was seen doing ballet pirouettes barefoot and in the rain, in that viral video? Well, he’s been offered a scholarship by the prestigious American Ballet Theater. With the help of American actresses Viola Davis and Cynthia Erivo, the video garnered 15 million views, ultimately leading to Anthony Madu being offered […]

December 19, 2019

Nigeria is a shitty place for those who live here, many seek an escape route. But, amid the insecurities, bad economy, and the uncaring government, some things happened this year that make us feel thankful. Yeah, we know, hard to believe right? Yet we need to end the year on a positive note, so here are some […]

November 18, 2019

Nigerians are yet to come to terms with the fact that cats can be pets but now have to deal with the fact that someone thinks a lion is tame enough to have as a security guard. Reports now confirm that a two-year-old lion was discovered in a residential building in the Victoria Island area […]

November 4, 2019

The 8th edition of the popular beach soccer tournament, Copa Lagos held throughout the weekend at Eko Atlantic, VI. It had us loving the opportunity to immerse ourselves in enjoyment. You should know by now that we can’t pass up a chance to get the ultimate weekend experience. And you know the fun part? We […]

October 21, 2019

In case you went under the rock this weekend then you MISSED. There was a lot of excitement for our Nigerian superstar musicians and the spotlight was on them, big time. From the much anticipated Headies award, to the birth of Davido’s son, Naira Marley’s legwork and his subtle shade at the organizers of the […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X