Election season is upon us and we’ve never had a more interesting and more diverse crop of presidential aspirants.
And because politics in Nigeria reminds us of secondary school we couldn’t help but re-imagine some of our 2019 presidential aspirants as secondary school students.
Fela Durotoye is the smart kid who is always the first to put up his hand when the teacher asks a question, whether he knows the answer or not.
Teacher: What’s 2 plus 2?
Fela: If you really believe in yourself, the answer will be 22.
Oby is the kid who will write names of noisemakers, put her best friend’s name and submit it to the teacher.
She’ll even add x2 if she catches you talking again.
Donald Duke is the fresh kid everyone likes and is very popular.
He was Social prefect once and everyone loved him. The whole school thinks he can do no wrong.
Sowore is the one all the teachers used to call useless boy and now he wants to prove them wrong by becoming head boy.
He gets called into the principal’s office every single day.
Moghalu is the smart kid who always comes first and everyone thinks he has two heads.
But the day he came second he went to report to the Principal that the person who came first didn’t deserve it.
Eunice Atuejide is the transfer student who came in SS2 and nobody knew until she said she wanted to become head girl.
The boys like her because she refused to join the Girls’ Guide.
Atiku is the rich kid who was Assistant Class Captain once and has now made it his life’s mission to become Class Captain.
He has been trying since JSS1, he is in SS3 now.
Buhari is the one who has been trying to become class captain since JSS1, when they finally gave it to him in SS3 he decided to show the whole school pepper.
And he’ll continue to show us pepper till he graduates.
Eighteen other Nigerians have also come out to say they want to run for president. Who else do you think we should add to this list?