We Can Tell You Everything You’re Thinking This Monday.

January 13, 2020

Doesn’t it feel like it was only yesterday you were showing the boys your ‘tesumole‘ and ‘galala‘ crossover dance, while taking your first shot of Friday night’s rocks.

Now it’s Monday morning and you’re waking up at 3 AM to surprise traffic that somehow always manages to surprise you.

We feel you and we know how just how badly Monday is kicking your ass. To prove it, here’s exactly how you’re you’re feeling this Monday in Moremi’s Nigeria:

Why is everyone being alive so loudly?

If like most people today, you’re nursing a hangover that has defied every trick in the book you know, you’re probably hating on Kunle who is sitting at his desk, eating crackers a little too loudly for your liking.

If it’s 12 PM now, and I have until 5 PM, that means I just have to survive 2 rounds of 2 hours and one break and I’m good.

We see you Isaac Newton.

If I take my break at 4 PM, will this office let me escape around that time?

Yes, we know you’ve thought this every week since you started working. The answer is no, think happy thoughts instead. Xri bou dah.

Do I even have to work?

Who salary epp? Actually don’t answer that.

Lord, if you make this weekend come quickly, I promise I won’t waste it. I’ll sleep and plan the rest of my year like I promised on January 1st.

Yeah right. Call us when you’re outside 57 on Friday, okay? First shot on us.

Maybe if I don’t look at my watch, it’ll make time move faster.

*Stops looking at watch 12:30 PM. Waits two hours, time — 12:32 PM.

Your thoughts? đź‘€

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

November 12, 2019

LAGOS, NIGERIA – On November 13th, award-winning journalist Eromo Egbejule’s directorial debut Jesse: The Funeral That Never Ended premieres at the Africa International Film Festival (AFRIFF) in Lagos. The documentary film is the previously untold and emotionally gripping story of another community in the oil-rich Niger Delta whose gift became a curse. Twenty-one years ago, a massive leak […]

January 6, 2020

In a land of dust, and time of ashy skin, the fate of your social clout rests on the type of presents you get your friends…the name: thoughtfulness. Here are five thoughtful gifts to make your friends go: “who send you message?” Cold Medicine With all the dust in the air, everyone is either sneezing […]

October 16, 2018

Hauwa Liman, a Nigerian midwife with the International Community of the Red Cross, has passed. She was 24. The 24-year-old was executed by a faction of the terrorist group, Boko Haram on Monday, October 15 after months in captivity. Nigerians are outraged. They’ve criticised the government’s reaction to Boko Haram’s threats to kill her over […]

Watch

Now on Zikoko

July 4, 2022

Is love enough or is it all about money? How do you receive either when you had a broken childhood? These are the questions *Kate answers in her story about unlearning the idea that love is equivalent to enduring financial struggles with her partner.

July 4, 2022

When women refuse to follow society’s script, all hell breaks loose. We receive a range of reactions — from parents weeping to random people’s comments — and we’re sick of it. Here’s a list of things you shouldn’t say to women who don’t want kids.

July 4, 2022

Lending people money can be very risky. You have to be ready to fight or say bye-bye to your money for the sake of peace. If you’ve already made the terrible mistake of giving out your hard-earned money, then you can never be too prepared for the process of getting it back. We put together […]

Recommended Quizzes

June 14, 2020

Have you ever been with someone so horrible that you swore to never date again? Yes? Well, do you know that one or more of your exes probably feels the same way about you? You never thought about that, huh? Thankfully, this quiz is here to let you know just how much of a hassle […]

November 22, 2019

It can be very stressful when you’re trying to find the love of your life, but you only keep meeting people that are exactly like your yeye ex. To help you be more aware of that problem, we’ve created a quiz that lets you know the kind of people you are attracting. Take it to […]

October 30, 2019

Kemi Adetiba’s King of Boys movie got a lot of things right, especially casting, so yes, it was a monster hit. Now, we know you may not have put much thought to this, but the personalities of some of the characters closely match yours, and we would like to help you find the perfect match. […]

November 4, 2019

After successfully predicting when y’all are getting married (please, email any complaints to noneofourbusiness@nayousabi.com), we are back to tell you how much is currently in your account. How, you might ask? By using your taste in Nollywood, of course. Shhh. No questions. Just take it already:

More from General

March 10, 2022

Offers opportunity for young changemakers from Nigeria, Kenya and South Africa to join the Global Citizen Fellowship Program for a year-long, full-Time, paid placement International advocacy organisation Global Citizen has today announced that application for the 2022/23 Global Citizen Fellowship Program powered by BeyGOOD is now open until 29th April 2022. Fifteen young African changemakers: […]

March 8, 2022

Triller, the AI-powered, open garden technology platform for creators, has joined #BreakTheBias, the global campaign in honor of  International Women’s Day (#IWD2022) on Tuesday, 8th March.  All Triller platforms will feature stories from 30 incredible women in the music and entertainment industry who are working to end gender bias, along with a specially curated #BreakTheBias […]

March 4, 2022

In view of the humanitarian crisis in Ukraine, MTN has announced it will be offering free international calls and SMS to all existing prepaid and postpaid customers, effective immediately. This offer is aimed at supporting customers to stay in touch with their loved ones while eliminating associated International Direct Dialing (IDD) costs due to high […]

March 3, 2022

ASUS has released its new Zenbook 14 Flip OLED (UP5401EA) and Vivobook Pro series (N7600/N7400). Pre-orders are available now. The Zenbook 14 Flip OLED (UP5401EA) is a slim, light and ultra-versatile convertible design equipped with a 4K OLED HDR NanoEdge touchscreen, having a 16:10 aspect ratio to give you a bigger visual workspace. The Asus […]

February 26, 2022

FairMoney Microfinance Bank, a leading fintech firm is currently revotionalizing  the digital banking space in Africa. The firm known for its dominance of micro lending in Nigeria has  transitioned into  a full fledged credit led digital bank. With this new height reached, comes a promise to provide Fair banking for all. FairMoney prides itself as […]

Feature image
February 26, 2022

Ensuring that Valentine’s Day fell within ten-day chocolate marketing period may have been a masterstroke for Ghana’s chocolate marketers. But they were also helped because a campaign launched 15 years ago to encourage local consumption of chocolate is beginning to bear fruit. By Zubaida Mabuno Ismail, bird story agency. “I have run out stock of […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X