Travel Tips For Everyone Heading East This Christmas

December 15, 2018

Tis the season to pack up a couple of things and head back home to go and spend half of what you’ve earned this year. At least you’ll be doing it with family and friends, drinking palm wine and breathing fresh village air. Even though you make this same trip every year, you somehow always end up making the same mistakes. Well, here’s a friendly reminder of what those mistakes are and how you can avoid them this year.

For goodness sake don’t travel on Christmas Eve.

Every year you promise yourself that you’ll get your shit in order so you can travel early but every year you still end up leaving on the 24th (of December), knowing fully well that you’ll get stuck for hours on Ore road or that they’ll delay your flight till kingdom come.

If you didn’t make your Christmas budget in November like a serious person, you better go and make it now.

You know January is 6 months long. Don’t forget yourself and spend 6 months salary in the village. Except you are fully ready to come back and soak garri until January salary enters.

Pack with sense.

There’s no need for you to pack heaven and earth. How can you be packing garri to take to the village knowing fully well that the one there is fine like powdered milk? I know you are telling yourself it’s to save cost  (so you won’t spend too much on food in the village) but you are only deceiving yourself. You’re still going to buy fresh palm oil and yam when you get there.

If you are going to drive, we take God beg you, go get your car checked.

Yes we all know your mechanic is a thief and he’ll surely find something to use and collect money from you, just give him like that. Better safe than sorry. It’s not enough to just check the water and be going your way.

Don’t travel at night, whatever excuse you want to make for it is not worth it.

When you are a child of light and not darkness, what are you looking for on the road overnight? Except you are not Nigerian, we are sure you know how dangerous it can be.

Anything you want to buy to take home better go and buy it this weekend.

listen love
As you are just buying it this weekend you are even late, but you won’t listen. You’ll still go and buy them a day before you travel as usual

When you get home remember that it’s not everyday you’ll open your door for visitors. That’s the quickest way to rundown your account.

Because Nigerians don’t have shame, if you stay there for a week you’ll find people that’ll resume at your house for breakfast and won’t leave until they eat dinner everyday for that week.

If you are going by air and you haven’t booked your ticket, book your ticket now.

I expect any serious person to have booked it in November but if you are unserious close this page and go do it right now.

Finally, it’s not by force to go. If your spirit is telling you “yes” and your bank account is telling you “no,” you better listen to your bank account.

Don’t worry dear, cheer up. It’ll be Christmas time again before you know it. Last last, you’ll still jam everyone at the next family wedding.
Toketemu Ohwovoriole

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

Watch

Now on Zikoko

Recommended Quizzes

November 28, 2019

There are so many talented and stunning Nollywood actors that make it hard not to fall in love with them. So, while we all know the likelihood of us ending up with any of them is super low, it’s still fun to imagine a world where we actually stood a chance, and that’s why this […]

how tall are you
March 11, 2020

Did your parents give you enough beans when you were growing up? If they did, then you’re probably around 6’0″ and above. Either way, we created a quiz that can guess your current height (pretty accurately, if we do say so ourselves). Take to see if we nailed it:

November 12, 2019

Are you a single pringle, stuck in a complicated situationship or happily married to the love of your life? This quiz is here to guess your current relationship status, and as you know, Zikoko quizzes are incredibly accurate (don’t quote us). So, give a shot:

January 2, 2020

Do you have even a single romantic bone in your body? Well, if you’re not sure about just how sweet and thoughtful you can be to someone you love, that’s what this quiz is here to answer. 11 Quizzes For Nigerians Who Are Ready To Marry  Are you ready to marry? Take these quizzes.

More from General

August 27, 2021

Nigeria’s leading dishwashing liquid, Morning Fresh, has unveiled Tolani Tayo-Osikoya, a successful Chef, Food Blogger and Owner of Diary of a Kitchen Lover, as its new brand ambassador.  Prior to the unveil, Tolani had been sharing the inspiring story of her journey on her social media platforms, reassuring Nigerians that dreams are valid even in […]

August 5, 2021

When it comes to games night ideas you can play with friends, it is best to consider the people you’ll be inviting so you can choose games that each person will enjoy. Not every time truth or dare, or never have I ever. Here are 8 game night ideas you can play with your friends. […]

July 15, 2021

The University authorities released a statement addressing the rise of Covid-19 cases in UNILAG on Tuesday after this tweet was made. Huh ??? Covid outbreak in Unilag  ??? https://t.co/LbH5Xv3nM7 – Jahmal (@JahmalUsen) July 12. 2021 The statement reads, Read more here. School activities were going on as normal, even after several Covid-19 positive students were […]

July 15, 2021

What do you do before you breakup with someone? Well, you should try out any of these seven things. 1) Eat A hungry man is an angry man. So sometimes the reason you want to break up with your partner is because you’ve not had some good food in a while. Before you type that […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X