The Yoruba Demon Guide To Break Ups

August 29, 2018

Somewhere in Nigeria, a group of men are currently updating their list on how to beautifully ruin someone’s life with their charm.

As they are updating that list, they are finding new ways to end one relationship with someone else.

It could be you sis, or me. Actually maybe both of us.

But don’t worry, I cracked the code so we can end this nonsense once and for all.

So far, my investigation has shown the multiple ways a Yoruba Demon can break up with you.

Now you can protect yourself. And if you’re lucky enough to see any of these signs before the set time, just run!

The first thing I figured out is this: once you start hearing “it’s not you, it’s me”, please just agree, it’s him.

Just leave him and let him date himself.

According to the Book of Yoruba Demons chapter 7 vs 23, in some cases he actually loves you, but…

…you’re too good for him.

”Baby, my pastor called me after church and told me we have to end it. He said you’re not the one for me”.

But wait, Tobi you don’t even go to church.

Once he starts fighting over every little thing, that’s the beginning of the end.

“But why can’t you just fold the toilet roll when you finish using it? Ha!”

“Sorry, the number you’ve dialed does not exist, please check the number and dial again.”

Once you hear this more than 4 times, I’m sorry sis.

Or you try to DM him on Instagram and as soon as you open Instagram you see a picture of his new babe.

“No no no my eyes are deceiving me. I’ve actually needed glasses for a while now.”

Or in most cases you don’t even get the opportunity to see his babe, because he has blocked you.

At least what you don’t know won’t kill you.

While you’re still in doubt, you head over to his house and that gateman you used to give 50 naira everyday comes out and says…

…ha aunty, sorry o. Oga said I should not open the gate for you.

The grandmaster of all their break up strategies. I don’t know if you’re ready for this one.

“Please just say it, you’ve already started the damage anyway. What could be worse?”

He sends you a wedding invitation.

“She has fainted o! Sister wake up, wake up! Bring water o!”

If you’ve never experienced any of these, I hope you don’t.

And if you have, please tell us your experiences. Let’s be ready.

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

Watch

Now on Zikoko

Recommended Quizzes

November 20, 2019

Last month, we thoughtfully made a quiz telling you guys exactly when you’ll marry, but some of you claimed that your spouse was nowhere to be found. Well, now we’ve created one that’ll tell you exactly who you’ll be dragging down that aisle. Take and start planning that wedding: 11 Quizzes For Nigerians Who Are […]

April 14, 2020

Every friend group consists of very different and specific characters — from the parent to the fun one — and it can be a little tough figuring out where you fall. So, we’ve created a quiz that lets you know exactly what kind of friend you are. Take to find out:

April 1, 2020

Everyone has a Nigerian bank that matches their personality. You could either be as likeable as GTB, as efficient as Access or as mature as First Bank. Either way, all you have to do is take this quiz and we’ll let you know with almost 100% certainty. So, go ahead:

December 29, 2021

A new year is right around the corner. Before we go into 2022, enjoy some of our top quizzes from this year. 1. QUIZ: Only Nigerian Gen Z’ers Can Make It To The End Of This Musicians Quiz Forget about your age. If you can make it to the end of this quiz, you’re definitely […]

More from General

December 12, 2022

Vol 8 | 12-12-2022 View in Browser Brought to you by | We should pop something today! The first Naira Life story was published in February 2019 and since then, we’ve been putting out the most honest stories about Nigerians and their money. Today, I’m happy to be sharing the 200th Naira Life story. This […]

November 11, 2022

We know a lot of things are happening right now but let’s not forget that millions of Nigerians are still suffering the effects of flooding. Although coverage of the issue has reduced, it’s important that we keep in mind that a large part of over 30 Nigerian states are under water.  This is not just […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

September 13, 2022
Vs The World is a Zikoko original video series that follows best friends Astor and Hassan as they take on the world.
August 23, 2022
Zikoko Ships is a Zikoko Original series where we invite two people who share a relationship to play the Zikoko card games
December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X