The Ultimate Guide To Becoming A Yoruba Aunty

November 19, 2019

If you grew up in a Yoruba home, you know for sure that your parents do not have exclusive parenting rights on you; there are other people, possessing a hold over you, especially how you behave and stuff. High up on this list are Yoruba aunties. We know you’re rising to that status too, so we thought to do a post on how to be the ultimate Yoruba aunty

Always Show Up Unannounced

If you are really serious about this gig, you can’t let anybody know when you are knocking on their door. How else would you meet your nieces and nephews when their guards are down if they knew your movement? And if anybody tries to turn it into a big deal, just dismiss their protests and justify your movement with an excuse like “I was in the area and decided to say hello.” 

Impeccable Supervising Skills

This is a survival skill you need to have, especially for family events – you know the kind where everybody connected by the last name shows up for. In the chaos that usually characterises these events, you must be at the forefront of it, barking orders and making sure everyone follows them. Your eyes have to as sharp as an eagle hovering in the sky and looking for a next meal. More importantly – and pay attention because it is critical – make sure no one steals anything. If that happens, you have failed.

An Unrelenting Gossiping Spirit

To qualify for this role, you must have an innate ability to sniff for news and gossips, even those that many would argue doesn’t concern you. You have to be a sponge, soaking everything in. Of course, you have to spread all these intel you like gathering to anyone who cares to listen, and those who don’t.

Strong Hate For Any Form Of Disrespect

Nothing should disgust you more than any show of disrespect from anyone younger than you, especially your nephews and nieces. If one of those little wankers curtsy the wrong way and you don’t use that opportunity to give them a much-needed lecture about how rotten they are and how things were much different back in your day, I’m sorry, the role is not yours yet. Also, make sure everybody you can make do things call you ‘mummy’.

Develop A Liking To Loud Conversations

Please, note this. The louder your voice is, the more confident you are in your role. It has to be awkward for you if any other person’s voice rises above yours. In fact, it is something you need to remedy immediately – nip it in the bud before anybody starts to question your status.

Offer To Play Host

Now, you have nephews and nieces, many of whom you’d like to spend more time with. So, you need to be as magnanimous as much as you can and offer to host them during the holidays. Most of them won’t accept the invitation, but it doesn’t matter; you’re just doing your job.

Toheeb Lanlehin

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