So a few days after I got paid I was feeling like a boss.
And I decided that I was going to treat myself to a shopping spree.
Because I’ve got money!
So I walked into a store that I had admired from afar with confidence and pride.
Swaggiest baby girl in the nation!
I looked at the prices of one or two things and realised that I could really go on a spree.
So I picked up about 12 items and then went to the dressing room to do my own personal fashion show.
I was looking too fabulous.
Because I’m such a hottie almost all the clothes fit me really well.
I mean what did you expect.
When I came out I caught 2 of the sales girl giving me a side eye.
I started to get the vibe that they felt their shop was too good for me.
Ok. Very what? Very good
I knew I was going to show them.
Because shame to bad people!
So I carried my items with me and cat-walked again to the till.
Because I’m that chick!
The sales girl started checking out the clothes and that’s where my problem started.
All of a sudden I started seeing big big numbers on the till.
Apparently the first outfit I had picked was from the 70% off sales rack.
As I figured this out the number on the till was still rising.
Oh my God!
So I started forming like there were things I didn’t notice about the clothes.
First I said I wanted to know if they had one dress in a different colour.
“Maybe aquamarine fondant yellow or burnt iced red.”
Then I said one suit had an odd fit.
“The trousers are a bit too snug around my hips.”
Then I said one skirt was too short.
“I just don’t want to be indecent.”
Meanwhile the other sales girls were looking at me like:
What a shame!
I ignored them and continued my nonsense till I had reduced my items to two..
And the only reason I didn’t go down to one was so I wouldn’t be such a blatant cheapskate.
Before those sales girls start laughing at me.
So I happily handed over my card only for it to be declined!
They tried again, and the same thing happened.
I just had to mumble excuses and run out of there with whatever shame I had left.
And till date I have not been able to go back into that store!
Because once bitten, twice shy.