I Don’t Know About You, But Growing Up Ruined Christmas

December 25, 2018

Back when I was little, it would have been a little hard to find anyone more excited for Christmas than me. You know how you can tell the owner of Shoprite is just obsessed with Christmas, because they always drop pre-Christmas vibes and put all their decorations up at the stroke of October? Well, that was exactly me, only with the adrenaline of a five-year old.

Christmas clothes- check.

Manipulating parents to put decorations up earlier than was reasonable- check.

Forcing everyone to watch Home Alone with me Christmas day, complete with our Christmas clothes to boot- check, check, check.

I even fought anyone that tried to open presents before Boxing Day. I never really won this one, but no one can say 5-year-old me didn’t put up a fight.

I was obsessed with Christmas, and I never asked it, but I’m pretty sure it was obsessed with me too. But then I turned 9.

Now, while I always knew Christmas was Jesus’ birthday, and there was always a family prayer come the 25th — that was the year I became all too aware that Christmas is hardly for celebration, and instead was ‘a day for sober reflection’ (direct quote from my daddy btw).

Instead of staying home and wasting time watching movies, Christmas should instead be spent at the retreat grounds, chilling with Jesus directly. What is a Home Alone?

So while Christmas mornings usually saw me wolfing down more jollof rice and chicken than a little human being should consume as a matter of health and well-being- by age 9, you could catch baby Boyin at the very front of the church auditorium, Christmas Day- firing and kabashing enemies trying to stand in the way of Common Entrance that year.

A few years down the line, my Christmas spirit had worsened and was at an all- time low. If anybody fired you banger at Deeper Life Camp Ground on Christmas day a number of years ago, sorrry! I was being very performative with my teenage angst, and wanted all the other bad kids at the campground to like me.

Don’t call the police on me, pls dear.

Anyway, after your girl had grown wings and didn’t have to spend Christmas at Church, Christmas rocks took over. And if I’m being honest, I might actually prefer the campgrounds.

These days, once I hear ‘Christmas’, my account balance does the sign of the cross and braces for impact.

Where formerly, our parents carried the full weight of Christmas on their chest, and all we had to do was exist and be cute. These days, I am all too aware of how much Christmas really costs.

Not only do we now have to buy presents for our family and friends, if you leave us in the single fold and jump in a relationship, that’s added gbese for you. Plus February 14th is just around the corner, and you know what that means.

If presents aren’t enough to run you down, the Christmas turn-ups and expenses that come with them are always unending. I’ve already sent a PSA to all my friends. I’m pulling a Daddy Boyin and using this Christmas period for sober reflection.

I still haven’t recovered from last year’s rockies, it’s not me you people will run down.

How do you spend Christmas these days? Do you miss being little and not having to cook the Christmas jollof rice everyone eats? We asked the cast of Nigerians Talk how they feel about the season and got hilarious responses. Watch all of them here:

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

January 9, 2020

If you are reading this, it’s too late. When will you marry? You are of marriageable age for starters. If you were born in the 90’s, chances are that you were privileged to witness some of the buying power of the naira. That is before the fire nation called recession attacked and our money lost […]

Watch

Now on Zikoko

Recommended Quizzes

November 14, 2019

The fourth season of Big Brother Naija came to an end over a month ago, but the conversation surrounding the housemates is far from over. So, in a bid to keep the fire burning, we decided to create a quiz that tells you which famous member of the ‘Pepper Dem’ gang is your soulmate. Take […]

November 25, 2019

We already guessed how many people you’ve slept with, and y’all were out here denying the truth. Anyway, we won’t hold that against you. This time, however, we’ve created a quiz that predicts who you’ll sleep with next — so you can either prepare or try (unsuccessfully) to prevent it. So, take and see:

November 11, 2019

Everyone has something to say about what kind of person they are. But how well do we truthfully evaluate these things? Not that much, I can assure you. The average person is always lying to themselves to make sure they look good. But you know what and who doesn’t lie? Zikoko quizzes that’s what. Take […]

More from General

March 10, 2022

Offers opportunity for young changemakers from Nigeria, Kenya and South Africa to join the Global Citizen Fellowship Program for a year-long, full-Time, paid placement International advocacy organisation Global Citizen has today announced that application for the 2022/23 Global Citizen Fellowship Program powered by BeyGOOD is now open until 29th April 2022. Fifteen young African changemakers: […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

September 13, 2022
Vs The World is a Zikoko original video series that follows best friends Astor and Hassan as they take on the world.
August 23, 2022
Zikoko Ships is a Zikoko Original series where we invite two people who share a relationship to play the Zikoko card games
December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X