How To Become A Prodigal Nigerian Child

January 17, 2020

If being a good Nigerian child was a best selling book, odds are the title would be “do not provoke your parents for any reason.” Nigerian parents swing between praise and punishment depending on whether you listen to their advice or not. While most of their advice can be good, others have good intentions but the execution is mostly somehow. The greatest mortal sin you can commit as a child is having a mind of your own and this is where the bulk of offenses fall under. In light of that, we present all the things that Nigerian parents consider as their kids being wayward.

Decide not to throw a wedding party.

I can’t decide which is worse – telling your parents you want to do a quiet wedding or deciding not to get married at all. Many people have been disowned for trying to plan their own wedding because the ceremony is more for the parents than for the couple.

Stop eating at home.

If for some reason you eat out more than you do at home, your parents will call a family meeting. This is to ask if they are trying to poison you and why you decided to stop eating their food. You had better not be unemployed or they may accuse you of stealing to get by. Even if you are employed, they may add that you think you are now bigger than homemade food. You just can’t win.

Try to set boundaries.

Kids don’t try this at home. Telling the people that gave birth to you that you can’t run an errand because of work will get you in more trouble than you bargained for. Good luck with telling them to knock before entering your room in their house or respecting your time.

Try to correct your parents.

As long as you live under their roof, they are always right. End of story. Don’t argue.

Attempt to change your place of worship.

If you no longer want to attend the family church you have been going to since you were in the womb, you had better prepare a two thousand word thesis on why their church is no longer good for you. This will be defended at the next family meeting or whenever you run into any of their friends they have reported to you. Also, prepare for deliverance because the devil is working in you.

Have educated/liberal views.

Will you keep quiet? Who paid for your school fees all through primary to secondary school? So, you now have big ideas and you are blowing English. Best of luck!

Decide not to practice what you studied in school.

Don’t do it. After they have been called mummy engineer, daddy doctor, you now decided you are not going to do what? stop it.

Don’t drop money for grandma’s burial.

Okay, are you the first person to save or are you the only one that has plans for money? There’s no excuse for not dropping money as long as you are gainfully employed.

Get home 1 minute later than your curfew.

Just go and rent your own house since you are now an adult.

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Hassan Yahaya

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