Happy Independence Day, Nigeria. Regards, 2960

October 1, 2019

The year was 2960.

The country had not yet become a post-apocalyptic wasteland because, at some point, we took climate change seriously. No section of present-day Nigeria had broken off to form a new country. Yes, the unlikely happened. Everyone set aside their differences and came together as a united front. Across the nation, the Nigerian dream meant the same thing.

All was right.

There was time, there was money, and the government cared about history and culture. As part of Nigeria’s 1000th Independence Day celebrations, the government greenlit a project that would require digging into the country’s archives so a documentary could be made about the millennium that had passed since we sent the Brits packing.

Oh, what a project it was. The people involved had a field day with the archival materials they found. They made a film packed with all the things that made a film great – laughter, tears, and WTF moments. The WTF moments were very popular among the audience. Nigeria in 2960 had everything but drama – at least not on the ridiculous scale the country did in earlier times depicted in the film. They found a particular set of characters interesting: the lawmakers.

In preparation for a sequel, they needed feedback after the screening of the documentary. So they put out a survey to get the parts of the film the audience liked best. And unsurprisingly, the audience was unanimous in its response. They all wanted to see more of the WTF moments. 

The following moments ranked as the top three moments in the film:

1) The Fence-Scaling Lawmakers (2014)

Insanely absurd and ridiculous, the audience wondered how much of a joke politics was at the time if security forces could be deployed to prevent senators from accessing the House of Assembly building where they worked. Even more insane to the 2096 audience was how the senators proceeded to jump the fence, as opposed to returning to their homes and dealing with things in a more respectable manner.

2) The Mace-Stealing Senator (2018)

The audience demanded that this particular event get a prequel showing the domino-like series of events that led to it. You see, in 2960, the mace was regarded as a sacred symbol of authority. So the film’s viewers were gobsmacked to find out that back in 2018, a lawmaker masterminded an operation that resulted in the mace being stolen. Then again, his name was Omo-Agege. He was just living up to his name.

3) Dino Melaye (The Myth. The Legend): 

The 2096 audience LOVED this guy. He was the one dependable source of comic relief throughout the film. Along with being a terrible lawmaker, he was a perfect entertainer; he could dance and sing. They could handle his attempt at writing a book about fighting corruption. They could even handle the certificate scandals. However, the one thing they couldn’t handle was when he was hit with multiple charges and was suddenly with a crippling illness. The audience found the timing of the illness interesting. If it actually mattered, they would have agreed that the whole thing was a sham.

They could all agree on one thing, though. The country’s early lawmakers were the literal worst, especially within the first 60 years of independence.

Toheeb Lanlehin

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