Banter Republic of Nigeria: WAEC-Gate, CBN’s Passion For Agric, And More

August 21, 2020

Every Friday, Zikoko rounds up the funniest news stories of the week, including some of the funniest reactions to them.

1. WAEC-Gate

What leaks better than a basket? You guessed right: WAEC (Sorry WASSCE) questions.

On Monday, news filtered in via social media that the WAEC Mathematics questions for the day had already been leaked since the weekend. The Chemistry Practical questions for the Tuesday exams also appears to have leaked, too. But WAEC came out on both occasions to staunchly deny the claims, stating that any student who relies on the leaks was well – sleeping on a Harley Davidson Bicycle.

Except that, just yesterday, WAEC has arrrested “errant supervisors” who leaked the questions. So it turns out leaks have, of course, been going on.

Are we surprised? Hell No. Should parents still listen to their wards when they say they are the leaders of tomorrow? They actually should. They must just add: “What kind of leader will you be, Imabong?”.

2. The Passion For Agric

A pivotal job of any Central Bank is to reduce and handle inflation, i.e the price of goods. Nigeria’s inflation rate as at last count is at 12.8% – the highest figure in over 2 years. But the CBN is back with another scintillating package for cotton farmers – and Nigerians ARE NOT HAVING IT.

What can we say? Long live King Meffy.

3. Promises Made, Promises Delivered

Minister of State for Petroleum, Timipre Sylva, while inspecting a hydro-skimming private modular Refinery in Yenagoa, Bayelsa State, stated that the Buhari led administration will end the importation of petroleum products in the country.

But the “will” conditioned in that statement makes us go “wiun”. When, how, why, who, whose, which, in short – When WILL fuel importation end in Nigeria? I’ll give my inheritance to anyone who knows. Just don’t ask me what my inheritance is.

Check back every weekday by 10am for more Citizen stories.

Doyin Olagunju

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