You’ve tried to like them, or at least, you’ve tried to be comfortable around them, but something about what many people think are cute pets puts you on an automatic lets-know-what-we’re-doing mode. I get this, which is why I decided to write about your (probable) experience with the so-called man best friend.

The first question you ask anyone in a house you’ve never been is if they have dogs

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You hate surprises, especially when they come in the shapes of dogs. You ask the questions in the hope that the answer will be no. and if it is yes, the dog or dogs better be chained.

You are not ashamed to use humans as shields against them

Usually, when you see a dog coming in your direction, you scout for the nearest and quickest exits. But this is something you can’t do if you’re with someone, especially if they see them for only the harmless pets that they are. So, you do the next best thing to do – you hide behind them and let them guide you out of the bleak situation.

The only thing you hate more than dogs is people who try to convince you that they don’t bite

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You can tolerate that some of your friends loves dogs and even keep them. Where you draw the line is the moment they invite you to pet them because they don’t bite. You try to remain calm and keep all the vileness building in you inside, but you’re already thinking if that is the last time you will be seeing them.

You think every dog that so much as bark at you is out to get you

As far as you are concerned, dogs only bark when they see a new target who could be their next meal depending on how fast the victim can run. So yes, just a bark is enough to unlock the sprinter in you.

You promise to get over yourself but you also know that’s never going to happen

You’ve tried to grow to be more confident around dogs, but the sight of one 50 metres away revert you to the person you are. You’ve given up on every possibility that they may not be dangerous as everyone likes to tell you. As long as they have fangs, and could infect you with rabies, you can never be cool with them.

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