IT’S 96 DAYS TO THE GENERAL ELECTIONS
Are you ready for the copy and paste promises?

IT’S OFFICIALLY CAMPAIGN SEASON

The Electoral Act of Nigeria prohibits public campaigning until 90 days before polling day. With that, the 18th of November officially marked the start of the campaign hustle for the 2019 general elections.

Now that’s a little wild because I could have sworn I passed at least twelve campaign posters and maybe two jumbo-sized campaign billboards on my ten-minute work commute. Must have been a trick of the light.

“We have plans, big, huge plans!”

Prez Buhari threw a party to unveil his Next Level ( is this a threat?!) plans for Nigeria. In it, he promised his second- term was going to bang even harder on corruption, the economy and security.

Honestly, we’re scared and a little shook considering how well he’s doing tackling corruption, improving security and managing the Nigerian economy.

Atiku dropped his campaign policies hot, in a combined 124 paged dispatch. He backed this up with a televised 9-minute address where he detailed how he planned to achieve his goals. Plus, did you hear that quote he borrowed from Reagan.

Everybody’s favourite smart kid – Kingsley Moghalu, put his money where his mouth is with the Young Progressives Party. He selected 37-year-old Umma Getso to be his running mate.

Now, Oby Ezekwelisi may not have thrown a party, given us a mixtape or picked a running mate, but look how pretty her pictures are! Aaand, she also had a Thanksgiving Church Service.

OH SARAKI HAS MONEY, MONEY

Last week, we learnt that Bukola Saraki really needs to work on his Yoruba when an audio clip of him addressing his supporters in English-laden Yoruba leaked. He wailed that despite spending hundreds of millions of naira of his personal money campaigning in 30 states (make no mistake, that’s hundreds of millions for respective states), President Buhari didn’t couldn’t empower him to put his best Kwara guys in the juiciest positions of government. He couldn’t even ’employ a cleaner’ – tragic.

I mean, too bad for the rest of us deserving, tax-paying citizens not from Kwara state, am I right? But not to worry, it’s payback time, slave trade.

Saraki revealed that all will be put right when his best buddy, Atiku Abubakar, who so graciously asked him to run his campaign, wins the 2019 elections. Then it’s lucrative, empowering governmental positions for all his day ones.

Of course, his camp has come out to deny the veracity of the clip. But as we know, women lie, men lie but audio clips where your followers laud you by name for distributing 3 million naira — not so much.
 

TAKE MY MONEY, NO REALLY, TAKE IT!

Remember back in 2014 when one of the APC campaign promises was to significantly increase the country’s GDP on a yearly basis? Yeah, good, uninformed times.

Well this week – Prof Yemi Osibajo, the Vice-President of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, who also doubles as an esteemed Senior Advocate of Nigeria, decided to push all that to the left and grow trader pockets in Ikotun, Ile-epo and Igando, directly by giving out a collateral- free loan of ₦10 000 each. If that wasn’t clear, we had the number two man, out in the sun, making it rain electronically for traders in markets. How very generous!

We’re sure this has nothing to do with elections being just three months away, and everything to do with the government wanting the traders to have a fighting chance in an economy that has nearly doubled inflation since 2015.

EVERYBODY LOVES ATIKU (?)

Earlier this week, the presidential candidate of the People’s Democratic Party- Atiku Abubakar continued his mission to kiss all the right rings for the 2019 elections. He stopped over at Enugu where a meeting of the Igbo Leaders of Thought was holding, and where this picture was taken, which sent leaders of the APC throwing words while secretly grasping for their panic buttons everywhere.

Atiku’s approval is rooted in his being pro- restructuring, a concept the APC doesn’t think is worth its salt, and one the South-west is ready to die on the line for.

With Atiku racking up all these approval infinity stones, as seen here, and here. But will all this love matter in February 2019? We’ll see.

WETIN GOVERNMENT DEY DO?

We asked Rinsola Abiola, one of the youngest candidates running for a seat in the Federal House of Representatives. Over the next few dispatches, we’ll be breaking down these roles. The role of a Representative is broadly divided into three though:
1. They make the laws
2. They oversee Nigeria’s resources to make sure they’re channelled appropriately
3. They hustle to attract Federal Presence to their constituency. In Rinsola’s case, it’s the Abeokuta North/Odeda/Obafemi Owode Federal Constituency.

That will be all for now.